Fat

It’s been a while since TooStalky—a guy who frequently stops by my house and yells, “Lisa, Lisa” (which, by the way, is not my name)—has made his rounds.

The other day, MiniMe and I were sitting in the front room when we heard this, “Lisa, Lisa. Hello. Open the door. Hello.”

“Shit, it’s TooStalky! Close the blinds. Lock the doors,” I told MiniMe.

We did so and successfully avoided having to say, over and over again, “We don’t have any work for you right now.”

TooStalky

 

A few days later he returned and, as luck would have it for him, I was hanging out on the stoop with Rated R and Live Longer.

“Lisa, I need some work,” were the first words out of his mouth.

“Hi. I don’t have anything for you to do right now.” I replied.

“You need mulch,” he advised.

“I can do that myself,” said I, proudly.

“I will trim your trees,” he then offered.

“I can also do that myself,” I advised.

“You’ll cut off your arm. Come, let’s go take look,” he said and started walking toward by back 40.

As we walked he asked, “May I tell you something? You don’t get mad?”

“Sure,” I said knowing that with a disclaimer like that whatever he was going to tell me was probably going to upset me.

“You look fat,” he flatly stated then attempted, again, to convince me I should hire him.

I, politely, replied with a big fat “NO!”

126 thoughts on “Fat”

  1. Good day! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a collection of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us valuable information to work on. You have done a wonderful job!

  2. I have been surfing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It is pretty worth enough for me. In my opinion, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet will be much more useful than ever before.

  3. Excellent site you have here but I was wondering if you knew of any forums that cover the same topics talked about here? I’d really love to be a part of group where I can get feedback from other experienced individuals that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Thanks a lot!

  4. Pretty portion of content. I just stumbled upon your blog and in accession capital to assert that I get actually enjoyed account your weblog posts. Anyway I will be subscribing in your augment and even I achievement you get entry to constantly rapidly.

  5. I’m curious to find out what blog system you have been using? I’m having some small security issues with my latest site and I would like to find something more secure. Do you have any recommendations?

  6. I don’t know whether it’s just me or if everyone else experiencing problems with your site. It seems like some of the text in your content are running off the screen. Can someone else please provide feedback and let me know if this is happening to them too? This may be a issue with my browser because I’ve had this happen previously. Thanks

  7. I like the helpful info you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your weblog and check again here frequently. I’m quite sure I will learn lots of new stuff right here! Best of luck for the next!

  8. It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d most certainly donate to this excellent blog! I suppose for now i’ll settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to new updates and will share this site with my Facebook group. Chat soon!

  9. Nice post. I was checking continuously this blog and I’m impressed! Extremely useful info particularly the last part 🙂 I care for such information much. I was seeking this particular information for a long time. Thank you and good luck.

  10. I am extremely impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your weblog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself? Either way keep up the nice quality writing, it is rare to see a great blog like this one nowadays.

  11. Hello there! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good results. If you know of any please share. Kudos!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *