After holding on for one more day, fifteen bridesmaids, one bride and a groom gather together to attend a concert at the State Fair.
If we had an IMDb description, that would be it and I’m guessing we would get anywhere between eight-ten stars.
In preparation for one of the best bands and concerts at the State Fair – Wilson Phillips – we decided it would be most appropriate if we donned bridesmaids dresses. After several fittings, we all found the perfect dress – Tree included. “Do you think Sleepless and Ice Cream Man will be offended if I wear a wedding dress?” Tree asked. “No way. They’ll love it and so will everyone else,” I told him.
We decided to dine at a Mexican restaurant within walking distance to the fairgrounds and hoped nobody would get the shits. “You should totally pop a squat in the street, like in the movie,” one of the bridesmaids told another bridesmaid who, like Tree, was wearing a wedding dress. “No way, I’m not doing it,” she replied and asked, “What do you think I am? A freakshow?” Luckily, several beers later, she changed her tune and popped a street squat for a photo opp.
After doing several shots and proposing toasts to anyone who might be getting married, we walked to the fairground. Upon arriving, several of us had to use the loo and, not surprisingly, That’s Not Chinese and I seized the opportunity to photograph the event – her on the toilet and me straddling the sink, so very Bridesmaids of us.
Eventually, we made it to the concert alter – aka, front row. Once we were each in our seats I disseminated the signs to everyone. We had just enough people in our group to express our vows/spell out, “We ‘heart’ Wilson Phillips.” Surprisingly, we managed to do so in the right order. Luckily, we were also able to display the additional sign I made which read, “I love corn on the cob.” Wilson Phillips immediately acknowledged our presence and respected our attire, “Wow, you’re all dressed in bridesmaids dresses. Nobody has ever done that at our concerts.” Nice to know that one can still have a ‘first time’ these days.
Moments into the concert, Tree decided to ditch his wedding dress and head to the loo. He never returned. “Runaway bride,” Live Longer wisely said when we discussed it later. So true.
After the concert, we did more shots – this time of the photographic nature – with Carnie and some carnies who wanted in on our bridal party, then made our way to the large slide. Not wanting to pee my bridesmaids dress while on the slide, and knowing I could not hold on for one more day, I decided to squat stageside. As refreshing as it was to ‘release me’ pee, I quickly realized I hadn’t entirely moved my dress out of the way. Not wanting to let this deter my fun, I grabbed my beer and walked toward the slide as if what happened was perfectly normal.
We managed to get 12 of us on burlap sacks, pissy pants and all, and slid down the slide so fast that one of the bridesmaids ended up with a burn on her buttocks – wedding favors, they’re not always good. After the slide, we headed toward the games. “This is just for show,” Sleepless advised us and she was quite right. As we walked through the fairgrounds several people were snapping our picture and shouting out, “Hey, bridesmaids.”
At one point, one of the bridesmaids made out with a fair patron. Cliché, we know – bridesmaids are always hooking up with somebody. As we relayed this story to her later, she was baffled, “I really made out with someone? Really? What was he wearing?” “Yep. I saw it. A blue shirt,” Bitchin’ Camaro advised her. “A blue shirt. Oh no,” she replied and laid her head down on the table. None of us understood why the color of his shirt was so upsetting to her. Besides, it is totally in line with wedding traditions – something borrowed, something blue. There’s definitely a chance she’ll soon be borrowing a Valtrex from one of the other bridesmaids.
Bridesmaids too – that’s us alright. Actual wedding not needed.