Martha, Martha, Martha

With a new year approaching, many people resolve to commit to new or renewed beliefs or behaviors – go to the gym, spend less, save more, eat less, travel, quit drinking and/or doing drugs, spend more time with family and friends (Side note: These are all impossible resolutions if one truly commits to spending more time with family and friends). For most, these resolutions quickly fall to the back burner.

I’ve actually never made any of these resolutions. At least, not wholeheartedly. I’ve thought about doing a few of them (those that I don’t already do) but never moved from the place of contemplation to completion. I blame this on my upbringing. When I was a child, I attended church with my family. It was often preached that thinking was the same as doing. I was a thinker, so I had ‘done a lot’ by the time I was baptized at the ripe age of eight. Fortunately, the baptism was meant to wash away all of my sins. Fortunately, like a freshly bathed dog, I ran right back outside and rolled in the dirt; or, at a minimum, I thought about doing it. I’ve been rolling in the dirt for many years now – keeping my wolf scent fresh.

Recently, I hosted a holiday party – something I used to do more frequently and have been thinking about doing for some time. I invited friends, a few family members, spent money, and ate and drank a lot. While some aim to put the ‘Christ’ in Christmas, I put my attention on the ‘mas.’ For those who don’t know, ‘mas’ is ‘more’ in Spanish and I’m all about more; especially if its a good thing.

After the party, I began the clean-up. I found a lot more alcohol and food than what was originally provided and I found a few more ‘gifts’: a couple of Loxitane (one was in my boot – a very European way to leave a gift), a pair of prescription sunglasses, and a set of keys.

A few days later, I went shopping and ended up buying way more than I really needed. When I returned home, I began unpacking the shopping bags and found another set of keys. I was beginning to think I was part of an unofficial key party.

I decided to research the symbolism behind keys and discovered a few ‘key’ things they represent: privileged access, freedom, knowledge, success, liberation, good dreams, authority, and power. I also learned about St. Martha and I discovered she and I share some common behaviors. She’s all about hospitality, isn’t afraid to speak her mind, respects a good broom, and is often portrayed with a set of keys.

I decided to take my research a little further and typed, ‘Who is better Mary Magdalene or Martha?’ My laptop, knowing me better than most, immediately auto populated, ‘Who is better Mary Magdalene or Martha’s Vineyard.’ Martha’s Vineyard for the win (coincidentally, ‘win’ always auto corrects to ‘wine’ and ‘Martha’s Vineyard’ auto corrects to ‘earth girls are easy’)! Martha, Martha, Martha’s Vineyard, I think I owe you a visit again. I’ll grab a set of keys and head your way.

Hey, Geena…

MissInformation learned of a free all-day workshop for women, with Geena Davis as one of the main speakers, and decided we needed to attend. Thus, she put it on our calendars and she actually took the day off of work to attend.


I wasn’t able to attend the first part of the workshop,  so she and Sleepless caused trouble for the first half of the day. By the time I was able to attend, Sleepless had to go to work so it was a changing of the guards of sorts. I thought for sure I had missed Geena’s speech. Luckily, I was wrong.


Geena discussed statistics, specifically 17%, and her experience as a female actor. At the end of her speech, people were invited to ask her questions at one of two mics in the middle of the ballroom. Women were lining up like it was a casting couch and asking the oddest questions – many of them just wanted her to know who they were and several would ask rhetorical questions, leaving all of us stumped.


One of my coworkers, who was also at the event,  sent me a text, “I’m waiting for you to get up and ask a witty question.” “Right. We’re trying to think of a really good question,” I replied.


We thought of several really good questions and decided to ask them in the same manner the other women had been asking their questions, with a standard salutation.


“Hey, Geena, how are you?” We would not stick around for further conversation – we felt that was greedy – one quick and simple question and we would be out of there.


“Hey, Geena, will you remember me after today?”


“Hey, Geena, do I look familiar?”


“Hey, Geena, two ‘e’s right?”


“Hey, Geena, how is it that you are here today? Didn’t you drive your car off a cliff?”


“Hey, Geena, I hear you’re in MENSA, what is 1,372, 298 divided by 17% of 250 multiplied by two, subtract four and add 17%?”


“Hey, Geena, does this microphone make my butt look big?”


“Hey, Geena, as an actor, do you ever feel like other actors are just acting like they’re your friend?”


“Hey, Geena, knock, knock.” She’ll reply, “Who’s there?” We’ll quip, “No, don’t do that, I’m the one asking the questions here.”


Surprisingly, people were walking out of this portion of the training. It was the last agenda item, but Geena Davis was speaking. Geena Davis – Valerie in the 1988 classic, Earth Girls Are Easy. MissInformation and I couldn’t believe it. It shocked us and inspired yet another question.


“Hey, Geena, does it bother you when people get up and leave while you’re speaking and before the event is actually o…” Our plan was to not finish the word (over) or the question, nor would we wait for the answer. We would walk away from the microphone and leave the room before finishing the question or getting an answer.


We were 17% confident that Geena, two e’s, would find this funny.