Within two days of being home I was back to my old routine: drinking wine and eating cheese on the porch.


Nora, my neighbor’s cat who regularly frequents my porch, immediately came over.


Live Longer decided to share some cheese (wrapped in coffee grounds) with her and I decided to limit my kindness to a simple hello.


“It isn’t that I don’t like Nora; I do. It’s just that the minute I’m kind to her she tries to bust into my house and hide,” I informed Live Longer.


She listened to my concern while continuing to feed Nora cheese.


A little while later another friend stopped by and we decided to walk to a nearby restaurant for dinner.


We locked up the house, enjoyed a lovely meal, and returned a few hours later.


After everyone left I walked into the kitchen and found a plastic bag with a homemade scone in it on the kitchen floor. The bag had been ripped open from the bottom and pieces of the scone were eaten and scattered.


I checked the countertop where the scone had been and found an avocado with several bite marks.


Using my best CSI skills I quickly assessed that the bites were not made by a human. I wondered if Nora could be to blame but, in all of her break-ins, she has never eaten any of my food. To be sure, I yelled out her name several times and conducted a perimeter search. When nothing came up I had to accept the next case scenario: a rat or a raccoon.


Exhausted, and knowing there really wasn’t much I could do about it at this time of night, I went to bed.


Just as soon as I would fall asleep I would be awoken by what sounded like rustling in the kitchen. I’d lay in bed and listen for more rustling and when I didn’t hear any I would fall back to sleep.


At 4:30 in the morning I was awoken by the sounds of pouncing, jumping and eating.


I stayed in bed and considered my options.


Should I get up? What if it is a raccoon? If it is a raccoon I’m going to have to barricade myself in my room, call the police and hope for the best. Will I have time to get up and shut my door? How the hell did it get in my house? Shit! Shit! Shit!


It was at this time that I heard what sounded like a bell. Then, more eating. I stayed in my bed attempting to strategize a plan. I hoped to hear the bell again because that might rule out the rat or raccoon which would make my handling the situation much easier. The eating stopped and I heard the bell again.


I jumped out of bed, slowly entered the hallway, flipped on the light, and the animal took off toward the back of my house. Assuming there was only one, I peeked my head around the doorway into the kitchen and saw Nora trying to make her way to the basement.


“Nora, get over here! Get over here!” I yelled.


She reluctantly returned to the kitchen/crime scene and stared at me firmly.


“Get out!” I told her and opened the front door.


A few more ‘get outs’ and she was finally out of my house.


If I can, I plan to charge her with a feline-y.

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