Flash kicking ass

For several weeks Sleepless and I have been planning to watch Foul Play. I’ve seen the movie several times. Sleepless, however, has never seen it, so I was excited to share just under two hours with her enjoying the magical moments between Chevy Chase, Goldie Hawn and Dudley Moore. Within the first five minutes, Sleepless was sold. It’s hard not to be with lines like this, “You’re a really nice girl, and I’m a nice guy,  and you’re very pretty with or without cleavage and…what do you say? Would you like to take a shower?”

These romantic exchanges reminded Sleepless of S-Unit’s 11-11-11 marriage goal. “I want to do that too,” Sleepless told me and added, “Did you know 97% of all relationships are short-term?” I didn’t know that, but I’m all about trying things, so I provided a suggestion, “Get on it girl! Just be a statistic.”  “Be a statistic?” she asked. “Yes, you know, get married, get divorced, be a teen mom, work part time. Life is full of opportunities to be a statistic,” I informed her with pride, while simultaneously taking a little journey down memory lane.

After  this exchange, we continued to watch the movie. At one point, Goldie’s landlord offers to help her with a sketchy situation, “You just scream and I’ll be upstairs in a flash kicking ass.’ “What did he just say?” I asked. “I don’t know,” Sleepless responded. After playing it back several times (something we did more than once with this film – the clip ‘Stanley’s pad,’ should have been nominated for some type of award), we understood what was said, but not what it meant. Regardless, we decided “flash kicking ass” should be our new catch phrase.

It was about this time that Mini Me joined us. In a flash kicking ass, we paused Foul Play so we could chat with her. As she was sharing some dating woes with us, Sleepless shared one with her. “How about this one. This guy who once dated a friend of mine asked me out. Before I responded to him I checked with my friend to make sure she didn’t care and consulted with a couple other people.” I interjected, “You know my motto, just be a statistic.” Sleepless nodded and continued, “And before I even had time to respond he, in a flash kicking ass, sent me a message and unasked me out.”

I couldn’t help but play on one of the lines from Foul Play, “I didn’t know he did that. Had I known, I would have been there in a flash kicking ass,” I assured her. I then looked Mini Me and Sleepless in the eye, which is hard to do when the ratio is 2:4, and said, “You both need to get some brass knuckles, mace and a screamer. Without them, you are a walking light-bulb, waiting to be screwed.”