My boss was out of the office the other day and during that time the Cardinals elected a new pope. When my boss returned to the office I asked him about his time away.
“Thought for sure I was a shoe-in. Guess it was the celibacy thing,” he replied. “I’ve had problems with that myself,” I said and then proceeded to tell him about the celibacy contract I signed in the late 1900s – so archaic, so Catholic.
As I discussed the celibacy contract with my boss I realized several cardinal rules had been violated. First and foremost, celibacy. Second, talking about celibacy, specifically my contract, with my boss.
Thus, I quickly changed the focus by asking about the new Pope’s name, Jorge Mario Bergoglio. Like Acehole (Oreggano), Patty Melt (BioMom), Bus Driver (Chauffeur), and countless others, Bergoglio opted to change his name….to Francis. I’m sure there is a story behind the name change. If he is anything like my friends, it is probably something as simple as wanting to quote a classic movie, like Stripes, “The name’s Francis Soyer but everybody calls me Psycho. Any of you guys call me Francis, and I’ll kill you.” Because he is a pope, he’ll probably ‘clean it up’ a bit, “The name’s Pope Francis, but everybody calls me Frank. Any of you guys call me Francis, and I’ll forgive you.”