Sleepless has been in the market for a new job for some time. Most recently, she applied to work for the federal government. As was expected, she was offered the job. As was not entirely expected, the background check process is both lengthy and intense. Part of the process includes speaking with people who have known her while residing at specific addresses within the past ten years. Thus, she had no choice but to include me on the list.
I received the call from the investigator requesting to meet, same day, at my office. I agreed, looked around my office – specifically at the ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ banner across my window, and decided I was good to go.
The investigator arrived, quickly flashed me her badge, and I invited her up to my office. As we approached I gave her fair warning, “My office is freezing. So cold, they issued us blankets.” She provided no reply, rather, stepped into my office like she had been there before and shut the door to ensure privacy.
She wasted no time asking questions, many of which were date specific. “I’m horrible with dates,” I told her and added, “That’s why I’m single.” No response. I can only imagine working a comedy club at a federal facility. Staying on task, she continued with the questions. “What does she like to do in her free time?” “Travel, spend time with family, karaoke,” I replied. “I’ve heard the latter from several people,” she said in complete monotone, noted my reply, and then asked, “Does she gamble?” “No. Well, I guess does. She is friends with me, which is kind of a gamble,” I replied. Again, nothing.
We finished the interview, she shook my hand and said, “You’re right, your office is freezing.” “I speak the truth,” I told her. Hopefully she’ll add that to her notes.