You know the Tony Bennett song about San Francisco? Well, I’ve never left my heart in San Francisco, but I’m pretty sure I left my liver in Manhattan.
That said, when I returned from vacation I hadn’t planned to drink anytime soon. While at dinner with coworkers at a conference, I stuck with water – a little hydration every now and again is good. After dinner, Prime Rib suggested swimming at his hotel. “I didn’t bring a swimsuit,” I advised him. “Run on down to Kmart and pick one up. They’re on sale right now,” he advised me.
Being that it was later in the evening and I really didn’t prefer to swim, I opted against a softline purchase from Kmart. He managed to get a suite – equipped with a refrigerator, dishwasher, microwave, dishes, the works – and was taking full advantage of the amenities. “Sorry it smells like popcorn. I’ve been popping,” he said as he opened the fridge that was stocked with diet Pepsi.
With the whisky in a brown paper bag, glassware, ice bucket and liter of diet Pepsi in hand, we headed to the pool. He poured the drinks and I took a quick sip. “Do you not like it?” he asked. “What? No, no, I do. I just haven’t had whisky and Pepsi since the 80s,” I told him. “You just made a strange face,” he said. “Yeah, that’s my weakness,” I replied. Like ImPalin, I have a tendency to exercise minimum voice, maximum face.
One or two drinks in, I received a text from The Responsible One and invited her to join us. Within seconds she was poolside and Prime Rib had grabbed her a glass and a freshly popped bag of popcorn. I was definitely getting used to the full-service environments I had been experiencing the last few days. “Whisky and diet Pepsi?” he asked her. “Of course, whisky is my favorite,” she replied. As he poured it from the brown bag, The Responsible One’s curiosity was peaked, so she asked, “What kind of whisky is it?” “Black Velvet. You know the song,” Prime Rib replied. “Is it good?” she asked. “It’s Black Velvet,” he quipped. “You should be in marketing,” she advised. He replied, “My one regret is that I don’t have a law degree, but i don’t regret not practicing law.” “I bet there is a song for that too,” I said with my mouth and, most likely, with my face as well.
As we continued to chat, Prime Rib had an epiphany that was probably more of a drunkiphany, “You two are like Betty and Veronica from Archie, but Betty is nice.” We weren’t quite sure how to take this, so we just said, “Thank you Reggie.” This seemed truly fitting since Prime Rib specializes in journalistic activities.
“I’m guessing you think I’m Betty,” The Responsible One said and added, “Makes sense. I have people skills.” “I’ve got Nunchuck skills,” Prime Rib replied. “So Reggie of you,” I told him in my best Veronica. “Speaking of skills, I’ve got to pee,” I told them and headed to the nearest palm tree. You know the song and I was doing the dance. TLC, right? Ain’t too proud to waterfall. S-Unit would know. She knows all the songs.