Received a call from a Lord today. You are absolutely right in what you are thinking, “A Lord? Oh my Lord!” Yes, a Lord called me. The purpose of his call was to make a clemency request, stat. Now you’re probably thinking, “Pardon me?” No, sorry, not you, he wanted clemency for one of his friends.
While gathering more information, I referred to his friend as an ‘individual.’ The Lord was not pleased. “She is not an individual, a person, a client, or a resident – she is a woman.” Thank the Lord for this clarification. Before ending the call I got the Lord’s contact information – not so I could call him again, rather, so I could alert the authorities. It was at this time that I, for the first time, heard of the use of a colon in someone’s name. This moment was almost as good as the introduction of Sa5m from Bandslam, “Sa5m, the 5 is silent.”
The mid-name ‘:’ really got me thinking about punctuation, which got me thinking about flash kicking ass. Turns out Mr. Hennessey, Goldie’s landlord in Foul Play, failed to respect the comma after the word ‘flash.’ “…in a flash, kicking ass,” means something very different than “…in a flash kicking ass.”
A little later in the day I was teaching a class and mentioned I once worked in the prison. After class, and faster than a flash kicking ass, one of the students approached me and asked when I worked at the prison. He then informed me he had “done time – about a year.” This comment allowed me to use one of the Lord’s words, “Were you granted clemency?” “Nah, just did straight time.” Then, just for shits and giggles I said, “Pardon me, but I must be going, stat.”