Cream, your genes

Genetics play a huge role in the many positive and negative experiences we will have throughout our lifetime. For example, some people may ‘age better’ than others in the sense that that once they hit a certain age they look at least ten years younger than others in that age range. A couple of British researchers coined this the ‘Peter Pan’ gene. These people appear to have an all access pass to Neverland. On the other hand, those of us without that gene end up with a one-way ticket to NeverGonnaLookThatYoungAgainland.

 

Live Longer is of Asian descent thus, as her name implies, she will probably LiveLonger than all of us. If she had a middle name it would probably be AgeBetter. That said, she still thinks she is aging and wrinkling like the rest of us so when I told her the story about my Benjamin Button vagina a look of excitement quickly came across her beautiful face, “Oh, you have to get the estrogen cream!” “What estrogen cream?” I asked. “It is prescription only for menopausal vaginas. It tightens up the skin and is really good for your face,” she replied.

 

I discussed this concept with Scared who informed me, “That’s true. At least the part about putting it on the vagina. I rub it on a couple of my patients’ vaginas.” “Next time you see them, before you rub a little on them, rub a little on your face and let me know how it goes,” I advised.

 

The next day she sent me a text, “It looks like it’s not recommended until post menopause because your body should be making enough estrogen before then.” Based on my gyno’s comments and the fact that the age one experiences menopause is 85% genetic, I figure I’m in that rare perimenopausal category anxiously waiting for the day to get a prescription for estrogen cream so my vagina can look close to the same age as my face and, as my face ages, I can rub the cream on it so it will look even younger than my vagina.

 

Regardless of when I get the highly coveted cootch cream, I plan to exercise caution when using it. Not just for my safety, but for the safety of my male sex partner. My research tells me they can develop enlarged breasts if they have sex with someone who has recently applied the cream. I would assume the same is true for women who have sex with someone who has recently applied the cream. If that’s true, the days of fake breasts may be behind us….and in front of us depending on how much cream is applied.

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