CougarOke – in many ways, it needs no further explanation. Sleepless and I are fans of themed karaoke nights and, being that this one didn’t even require a ‘costume change,’ we were excited to finally celebrate this fine new ‘trend’ on stage, belting out some of the best Cougar songs ever written.
When Passed The Sniff Test (who is younger than me) and I arrived at the bar, we found it pretty empty. Although this is a typical scenario for this bar, we were hoping to find Sleepless and Ice Cream Man. “If you want we could go outside and you could walk the streets, maybe make some cash, until they get here,” Passed The Sniff Test suggested. “If they aren’t here in five, we may do that,” I replied. Even though I wasn’t donning my Heather Grays, I had a pretty good get-up going on. My off-the-shoulder shirt, animal print skirt, matching high heeled boots, gold sequined Wonder Woman belt, and big, shiny, platinum blonde wig screamed “Cougar;’ much like a Cougar having sex with her prey or vice versa.
Fortunately, Sleepless and Ice Cream Man soon arrived and the singing began. With a request list that included Stacy’s Mom, Mrs. Robinson, American Woman, That Summer, Maneater, Hot for Teacher, Maggie May, Your Love, and Carry On My Wayward Son, there was nothing that could stop us. Except, of course, hot flashes. When the hot flashes hit, I pulled the paper plates out of my purse (Cougars are well versed in preparedness), we used them like fans, and cooled down right quick.
One And Done eventually arrived with her prey and as I was hugging her I noticed she smelled exceptionally nice. “Is that Jean Naté?” I asked. “What is that?” she replied. “One of the finest body splashes and fragrances a Cougar can get at Walmart, CVS and the like,” I advised her. Like the actual cougar, my sense of smell isn’t too good. “Maybe I’m getting it confused with Windsong by Prince Matchabelli,” I thought to myself.
Also like the actual cougar, most of us ladies are crepuscular – primarily active during dusk and dawn. This is for a variety of reasons – we have jobs, we sleep in, and the lighting is better for us at those hours. After leaping around the dance floor, we sat down to chat with Passed The Sniff Test. We were discussing the importance of checking one’s heart rate when I advised him I might start checking my heart rate during sex. “Nothing sexier than stopping to check your pulse when you’re having sex,” Sleepless quipped. “I think the addition of adult devices, like the CPAP machine are also pretty sexy. Charley horses and leg numbness, not so much,” I added.
It was about this time that I noticed the smell again. Being that One And Done had been ruled out and I knew the others weren’t wearing fancy splashes or fragrances, I assessed my own situation and realized it was my wig. Who knew synthetic hair smells like Jean Naté? What a splash!
