Sneezures

I can tell Spring is approaching because I wake up sneezing, one allergy induced sneeze after the other. I like to call it sneezures.

I arrive at work with my allergies in full bloom and am quickly reminded my employer, in an attempt to demonstrate cost efficiencies, no longer buys tissue for employees.

As I am walking to the making room room to grab surrogate tissue, aka toilet paper, I start thinking about this “cost efficiency.”

In all of my years of employment I have never seen a coworker’s ass, ever. Yet I see my coworkers’ noses every day.

If my coworker doesn’t wipe well, or at all, I have no idea. If however, my coworker has a drifter the size of Kansas hanging out of his/her nose, and doesn’t have a tissue to take care of it, everybody knows.

I thought about bringing this to management’s attention, however I fear it will result in B.Y.O.T.P. efficiencies.

Instead, I think I’ll just send them a thank you for the toilet seat covers, “Courtesy of the management for your protection.” So thoughtful. I definitely don’t want my ass directly touching something another coworker’s ass has touched. I’ll save that special moment for couples yoga.

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