Author: grigiogirl

This morning I had really big plans, really big. Here they are:

Wake up AND get up, simultaneously, at 5 AM – doing this simultaneously is a very big deal for me, a coworker once asked me, “What do you take in the morning?” “I take my time getting up.” Shower. Wash, dry and fold towels for Tree (house sitter). Fancy up “For Sale” information on the car. Eat breakfast. Put laundry away. Pack. Go to airport (at 7 AM). Get upgraded to First Class. Drink free wine. Take a nap. Wake up in New York City.

Seems simple enough. Unfortunately, as is often the case, this is not how the morning actually went. Instead, at 5 AM, I was having a lovely dream that I no longer recall. At 6:30 AM, I woke from the lovely dream and gazed at the clock for a bit, at which point I realized I only had 30 minutes before That’s Not Chinese was picking me up. Immediately jumped up and into the shower. Took all of the laundry in my room and shoved it into my luggage – completely overpacked and probably forgot things.

Phoned That’s Not Chinese to wake her (morning isn’t her thing either). Got dressed. Applied mascara – no time to get fancy schmancy with other beautification tools at a time like this. Spent about two minutes on my hair, which resulted in a very Joan Jett style (or as one friend so kindly stated a few days ago, “It looks like your hair is on vacation.”) Threw my 500 lb bag of laundry, aka suitcase, in That’s Not Chinese’s car. Provided telephonic counsel to Dr. BJ. Shared a funny story with That’s Not Chinese. Thanked her for the ride and told her, “I hope New York is ready for what Joan Jett has to offer.”

Checked my laundry. Bought a smoothie. Saw my reflection – gasped. Didn’t get upgraded. No free wine. Wished I had brought mittens. Listened to Yaz. Checked out the latest fashions in the fashion mag and vowed to never wear pleated pants – no matter what (costume party exception allowed). Learned a little francais. Je vous le passe. Took a nap (tick that box), which definitely enhanced the Joan Jett. Woke up in New York City (another box ticked).

Truly, the morning and timing could not have worked out better – all I really wanted to do today is end up in New York City – tadone! This is exactly why I should stick to my no plan plan, where the only plan I have is to not plan. It just makes sense, because as we know, plans find me.

Yesterday was the last day with Little Man. We stopped at IKEA a few times while he was here and his purchases prevented him from taking the bus or shuttle home, so I drove him. He doesn’t live too far – depending on the time of day, he lives anywhere from 3 1/2 -4 1/2 hours. Round trip, 7-9 hours. Woot! I love road trips!

I grabbed a box of Cinnamon Life, a pillow and blankets,  a slew of CDs and we made our way to 7/11 for Slurpees (pina colada and banana for me please) and a Big Gulp for Little Man. We didn’t stop again for several hundred miles, during which time I introduced Little Man to my all-time favorite driving activity, caraoke.

Caraoke is simple. You start by finding any object in the vehicle that can act as a microphone – cell phones, water bottles, garlic presses, etc. Little Man and I opted for the cell phone car chargers. Once these are in hand, you can either pop a CD in the drive, pull out your favorite ’80s mix cassette tape, or find a random song on the radio and start singing. The Carpenters was our first musical choice and it was fantastic. Little Man and I were in sync – throwing down the wrong lyrics line after line. It was magical.

By the time we reached his house, we had moved on to more recent artists, such as Just Jack and Scouting for Girls. It really doesn’t get any better than this musical selection; that is, until I was driving back home alone and decided to throw some Motley Crue in the mix. This decision was class! Nothing beats an empty freeway in the middle of the dessert and Kick Start My Heart booming out of the speakers. Somehow, speed increases with each verse and before you know it, you’re home and doing online research to find out what it takes to become a NASCAR driver. Simple really. Slim, toned, ability to speak in front of a camera. I’m changing my name to Slim, going to the tanning bed for some good skin tone and pulling out my webcam. It’s on and I’m racing for pinks.

Little Man and I decided to go to a baseball game today. We didn’t stay the whole game, just long enough to enjoy a few HRs, RBIs and JPGs. As we were leaving, we saw a woman in a horizontal striped tube dress that accentuated all of her bits, wobbly and otherwise. Little Man commented, “Kim Kardashian.” I corrected him, Kim KardASSian.”

Immediately following the game we went to the drive-in with The Leaver, QuQueen and their crew. The Leaver and QuQueen had two little crew members under a blanket in the back and a dog that they asked Little Man to hide once we arrived at the pay station. The little people in the back wanted us to use a code word as soon as we pulled into the drive-in. To stay under the radar, we opted for “Stella’s mullet.” So, as we approached, we Stella’s mulleted them. Managed to clear the pay station with them undetected. It is amazing what a good IKEA quasi-mattress will do for you. Drive-in today, border tomorrow.

As the movie began, Little Man and I knew we were in for a treat. The Leaver and QuQueen were providing a lot of commentary. Early in the film, one of the actresses proclaimed, “This isn’t my first rodeo.” The Leaver could not believe this, “Oh my God, that is unbelievable! She used my line!” Mid-way through the movie, Little Man informed me he needed to pee. I asked if he could hold it until the end. He advised me could not and would pee in a cup. A few minutes later complete mayhem ensued in the Jeep. Little Man opted to attempt to pee in a cup in the front seat of the Jeep. Once QuQueen learned of Little Man’s intentions she provided sound advice, “No, honey, don’t do that.” “But I have to go,” retorted Little Man. “Alright but make it quick and don’t get it anywhere.” Little Man returned to his spot next to me, and stated, “Mission not completed.” Good one, primarily because we were watching a Tom Cruise film.

As we were driving home the little crew members resumed their positions (although we didn’t require them to cover up with the mattress). One of the little crew members was complaining about not knowing when we were coming up on a stoplight. I asked if he remembered the code word and he did, so the rest of the way home we Stella’s mulleted them.

Yesterday, Little Man, Tree and I headed to the Farmer’s Market (legitimate, not just stuff from my yard). As we were walking around, Tree was very impressed with the creativity, “I want to be creative. Why isn’t I can’t make stuff like this or even think about making stuff like this?” I reminded him of what he told me once, “Not only am I pretty, I’m romantic too. I’m a keeper.” Being creative is not as important when you’ve got traits like these.

Tree has a current plant fascination and purchases a new plant each week from the Farmer’s Market. He has a large collection and each plant has a name, ‘Dolores’. He intends to collect more Dolores’ until he gets a cat, who he will call Dolores. I never would have guessed.

We spent the evening with The Leaver, QuQueen and some of their friends. As usual, games were involved. In the middle of the infamous Boggle game, The Leaver was very into the current letter distribution and said, “You guys better be ready, I’m not playing games anymore.” I reminded her she was actually playing a game.

Brother (The Leaver’s sibling) was getting the grill ready when he noticed the bleed line from the swamp cooler had gotten too close and melted. I informed them I had a new bleed line in my car – he opted to try fixing it. A little later, Brother asked The Leaver if she had any floss picks. I told him I had floss if he’d like some. A few more guests arrived so we needed additional pad and pens for Boggle. I informed them all I had a pad and a few pens in my bag. The Leaver couldn’t believe it. “This is unbelievable. It doesn’t matter what we need, you’ve got it.”

As we were leaving, Little Man and I decided to make our way to the highest point of the neighborhood park to watch the city fireworks (our town celebrates Independence Day early).  As is the case with us, this wasn’t planned, so we didn’t have a blanket. “No worries,” said The Leaver. “I’ve got that.”

Little Man and I started the day off right:  he with World Cup Soccer Cap N’ Crunch and me with yogurt, raspberries, strawberries  (one was from my garden – not two, not three, just one strawberry – that’s  all I’ve got) and oatmeal. After taking pictures of our very own Farmer’s Market products, we thought it might be nice to watch the first two Twilight movies. It was about this time when OregganO called and asked if we would like to grab a coffee. Silly question, of course we would!

While I was getting ready, OregganO and Little Man had a chance to get to know each other. OregganO asked Little Man if we had any plans for the day.  Little Man smartly responded, “We don’t make plans. Plans find us.”

Being that Little Man introduced me to the bubble tea, I thought it might be best if we went to a coffee shop with bubble tea as well. Sadly, that shop was closed today. Instead, we went to another favorite shop. The staff were well trained and  swiftly upsold us on the lunch concept. We took our meals outside and watched the ongoings at the food pantry across the way. OregganO and I have observed this before, from this same location, and it is an interesting thing to see. Little Man was shocked by the people who rolled up in Escalades, Range Rovers, and other high-end automobiles and then loaded the free food into the trunks of their cars. Instead of being shocked or upset, OregganO and I appreciate knowing we have a place to grocery shop should we ever leave our ethics at home.

While eating, OregganO and I were discussing recent burglaries in my neighborhood. Just last week, OregganO’s friend’s door was kicked in – in broad daylight. Apparently this friend is now working in Switzerland for the next four months. I asked OregganO what type of work she does and OregganO nonchalantly replied, “STDs.” It was obvious Little Man was shocked and trying to make sense of this response. Always one to care, I tried to help out, “STDs, she is giving them out for the next four months. Free.” “Really?” asked Little Man.  No, not really.

Later in the day we met up with BeCuz and Anime Activist to watch “Eclipse”. Luckily, I sat between BeCuz and Little Man, so I was able to receive background and current day information about the characters and books throughout the movie. BeCuz and I opted to buy drinks and popcorn and very much appreciated the smokin’ coupon deal that presented itself to us.

Immediately after “Eclipse”, we met up with Sleepless and went to a ReAL game. They won, of course and we decided we were in the mood for chocolate cake so we headed to a local crab shack. We were ordering drinks and I was reading the descriptions to Sleepless when I ran across one that read, “Pink pick-me-up”. I advised Sleepless we may have to change her name, and soon! We then threw on our bibs, got a much food on them as we could and then ordered two desserts to shut the night down. It was perfect and, plans found us, a couple of times at that!

I didn’t get around to blogging last night – I’m very sorry. I did attempt to do so, but kept falling asleep. Probably exhausted from the night before – outdoor speaker shopping and trunk hopping activities take their toll on you.

Skiwi is always one for a deal and two nights ago he found a pair of brand new (1980 circa) Altec-Lansing speakers for $10. The seller lived in a city approximately 45 minutes away and spending the money to retrieve the speakers would lessen the value of the deal, so Skiwi asked me if I would be heading that way any time soon. I wasn’t, but I knew a few people who lived out in them there parts and made a call to one of them. Within about 30 minutes my transporter had retrieved the speakers, however, Skiwi had to wait until yesterday to receive them. Several of my friends thought this whole interaction was strange. I find it relatively normal, especially when ‘dealing’ with Skiwi.

What I do find strange is what I witnessed on the way home. I was approximately five minutes from my house when I saw a man standing on the East side of the ride and a vehicle pulled over, on the West side of the road, with the trunk open. As soon as I drove by, the man ran across the street, hopped in the back of the open trunk, pulled it shut, the driver threw it into park and headed South.

Today, not so strange. I picked up Little Man from the bus stop and we began the adventure! After a lovely lunch with Q, we headed to the dealership to get my plates and meet with Pullout Couch. Pullout Couch enjoys telling his staff I am his ex-wife. Today, as soon as we approached him, he told two of his staff, “This is my ex-wife.” Then said to me, “I haven’t seen you forever. What are you doing here?” I replied, “I wanted to introduce you to your son.”

After that knee-slapping comedic moment, we commandeered his computer for a bit, rearranged his furniture and then headed to IKEA. Little Man has never been there and he loved it! As we were leaving IKEA, which is in a very, very distant town from where I call home, we decided to drive by my old stomping grounds on the West side (not the same West side as the man in the trunk). While in the ‘burbs, we saw a lemonade stand. Always one to support local business, I opted to purchase two cups. Most expensive lemonade stand lemonade I have ever had: $1 for two (with tip, $2). As Little Man put it, “Even in this recession, the rich are getting richer.”

We then made our way to play Boggle with The Leaver and QuQueen. Prior to arriving I warned Little Man of their Boggle ways. Right away, The Leaver wowed us with her word magic. Little Man, QuQueen and I had all read our list of words when The Leaver proudly proclaimed, “I have what everyone else had, but I also have a very special word: tegrow.” We, of course, questioned her on the word. “It is a wine, or, like a place that makes wine.”

A few minutes later, QuQueen had her time to shine. “Does anyone have ‘beed’?” No, because it is not a word. Even The Leaver, the word crafter, was questioning this word. We challenged QuQueen to use it in a sentence and she wasted no time doing so, “How long you beed here?” I hadn’t beed there long enough, nor had I had any tegrow wine, so I disputed both words.

Tuesday nights with Sleepless have proved to be very entertaining. This evening, the group was comprised of six females and one male, per the request of BeauD (whose name was soon to change) – who was the one male. “I just wanted to be That Guy, just once,” said That Guy (the male formerly known as BeauD).

Within minutes of That Guy joining us, one of the other patrons approached us, “How did you do it? Six women?!?! I’ve got an idea, I’m Bossley, from the ’70s series, and you’re Chuck, from the movie. That’s why there are six girls. Three from the series, three from the movie. Don’t worry Chuck, I’ve got your back.” That Guy replied, “And I’ve got the tape recorder.” Bosley then took his beer with him to the urinal. Probably had a bad experience with a roofie.

Tile was telling us stories about some of her “contractors,” Grout included (http://grigiogirl.com/2010/06/phd/), and I asked if she ever got competing bids. She has not, however, is considering do so. As Tile would tell her stories, both That Guy and No Secrets would pipe in with important details. For example, she was telling us about a couple of her friends and as she mentioned a particular name, That Guy piped in, “She slept with him too.” When she told us she did not sleep with Plaster of Paris (a dentist she knows who made a mold of his penis), No Secrets quipped, “Not technically.” This upset Tile, “What? Why would you say that?” “I was just playin’,” replied No Secrets. “No you weren’t,” said Tile. “Well you’re supposed to pretend I was just playin’,” was No Secrets response.

In addition to talking about the skills of Tile’s contractors, we discussed their age.  This sparked a question from Sleepless, “Does age matter?” We all looked shocked (not as shocked as we did after a later comment, but shocked nonetheless). “No, really, I don’t know. I’ve only been with two. My bed needs bandannas.” “Why bandannas?” OregganO asked. “Instead of a notch on my bedpost, I thought bandannas.” Very ’80s of Sleepless.

This reminded Tile of the time she and That Guy were drinking and decided to list all of her contractors on a napkin. I told her that was not a napkin, rather, a tablecloth – no way it would fit on a napkin. Sleepless then decided to list her ‘two’ on a small piece of paper. No Secrets suggested she write in big font so it looked like more. She did. She also wrote one of their full names – in an attempt to make the list  look longer. That Guy then shared a story  about a girl he liked. When he first started talking with her she told him she had a boyfriend. Later she told him she has a missionary. “That’s how you put the hurt on the guy,” That Guy sadly stated, “Tell him you have a missionary.”

It was about this time that Bosley reappeared. “Are you tuckered out yet?” he asked That Guy. “You better get fired up on JD just to stay up all night. How about one pose for the road ladies? With your guns and shit, just like in the series and the movie.” We respectfully declined and he retreated to the urinal, beer in hand.

Skiwi is the kind of guy who can find a great deal and is always willing to share his deals and skills with others. Last night I stopped by his house to have him assist me with a simple DVD project. As we were making our way to the audio/visual area, we passed the table of Mary Kaye products that are currently on the market. As always, he graciously and proudly offered to sell any one of them to me for a good price.

Once we got the DVD project going we headed out to the patio bistro for a glass of 2 Buck Chuck – he had just purchased several cases because the price was right. While sitting on the bistro we started talking about transportation costs and the benefits of riding your bike to work. He thought Disco Dancing Dog Groomer might enjoy a nice early morning (7ish) bike ride to work each day. She looked at him, puzzled, and said, “How long have we been dating? One week? Why would I ever want to do that? At 7 AM I am still sleeping and you are walking around the house making noise.”

A few minutes later the conversation turned to the items in their garden. I noticed they had a lovely salvia plant and told them some people don’t just like them in their garden, rather, they enjoy the hallucengic aspects of the plant. Skiwi had no idea his yard possessed a product with such street value and his wheels started turning. Disco Dancing Dog Groomer suggested he make trades for the salvia, “You can tell people, ‘salvia – will trade for basil.'” “I better make sure I say it clearly, I’ve got a friend called Sylvia and if I accidentally trade her for basil I could be in a lot of trouble.”

This afternoon I went to dance class with Sleepless. Prior to arriving at class she had spent the afternoon poolside sipping on spirits. Class was small today, only five of us, including the instructor, Juicy PSI. As we would “make our own movement,” the majority of the class (yes, four of us) would dance together near the center of the dance floor. Not Sleepless. She would dance around the outskirts of the dance floor, not a care in the world. When I would approach her, she would giggle and whisper, “I’m mildly drunk.”

After class we retreated to my house to prepare for a neighborhood party. My neighbors live down the street (in my old neck of the woods) and are moving away, thus, had a party. I invited Sleepless to attend the party with me and warned her that Quagmire the Farting Ventriloquist may be in attendance. She felt it would be a good idea if we made t-shirts with “sweeping” slogans on them. So, we grabbed our markers and made personalized t-shirts. Her shirt read, “Clean Sweep.” Mine, “Spins and Rotates.” If nothing else, we thought we were funny.

After making an appearance at the party we reunited with Juicy PSI for dinner. Upon entering the restaurant I was surprised to see my Italian instructor, That’s Not Italian, eating dinner and rubbing the leg of a very young, not Italian, man. It reminded me of one of my favorite children’s books, Miss Nelson is Missing. Teachers aren’t supposed to do “normal” life activity, so it is odd when you see them do just that.

Once the shock of seeing That’s Not Italian wore off, we began talking about my recent adventures in Europe. Juicy PSI informed us she has an opportunity to go to Paris for $900 – airfare and lodging. We told her that was an incredible deal and she should absolutely do it. She stated she can’t because she already has plans to go to Boulder (Colorado) for a week. A few minutes later I was telling her how I had taken the bus from Amsterdam to Paris. “You can take the bus?” asked Juicy PSI. “I had no idea, I’m going to have to get a map.” Sleepless and I gave each other the “What did she just say?” look and I responded, “A map? To see what? How to get from Boulder to Paris?” She’ll probably need more than a map.

This afternoon I joined BeCuz and her family for some pool time. We pretty much had the pool to ourselves, so I suggested we do Noodle Contests. We each grabbed a noodle and prepared for the first competition: making your way across the pool as fast as you could with the noodle as your motor, per say.

 

BeCuz opted for the sideways straddle, Anime Activist wrapped his around his back and I attempted an under the arm tactic. Anime Activist won. Being slightly competitive (which is completely situational – I have a lot of confidence in my noodle skills), I suggested we try it again, using a different noodle method. BeCuz and Anime Activist both tried my previous method. I straddled the noodle and did what we affectionately referred to as “jerking the noodle,” for extra speed. This kicked off a slew of noodle comments: “You can’t have that many noodles all at once,” “Quit pulling my noodle,” “Should I be concerned about these holes on my noodle?” and, when Anime Activist was teaching BeCuz to blow water through the noodle, “Don’t suck, just blow.” Who knew pool noodles could be so much fun?

 

Later in the day Tree and FatGirl stopped by for drinks. We decided to walk down to the park (yes, the same one mentioned just a few days ago) so Tree could walk on the ground near the swings (amazingly soft and slightly cushioned). FatGirl was extremely excited about the swings and offered to push both Tree and I. Tree respectfully declined, “My feet drag as it is.” I asked how he knew this since we had just barely arrived. Apparently, while we were hanging with the street ravers the other night, Tree had a quick swing. FatGirl was pushing me with every bit of strength he had. As I started to slow down, my foot hit the ground and the swing started moving in directions completely opposite of straight. Somehow, the swing started to twist and tip, causing my one shoe to come off, my legs to go flailing (I had on a dress) and FatGirl to squeal, “Did I just see snatch?” I quickly attempted to regain my composure and decided now might be a good time to tell them about the poolside noodlefest.