Author: grigiogirl

Upon arriving at Three Sips’ flat we were excited to be greeted by note upon note – welcoming us to Paris and inviting us to partake of all of the goodness within the flat – bath balls, food and an umbrella (Sleepless’ favorite). It wasn’t the umbrella that truly tickled Sleepless’ fancy, as much as it was the note accompanying it, “Needing me? Take me.” “I might put that on facebook,” Sleepless giggled. I suggested she make it her motto for life.

Once Three Sips got home we headed into town for dinner. Our dining experience was divine – with each of us selecting unique plats: lapin for Sleepless, rein for Three Sips, and turbot for me. Being the brave travelers we are, Sleepless and I tried the rein. Even after eating it, we’re still unsure why kidneys are going for so much on the black market. Just before dessert, Three Sips was discussing some of our food choices with us and suggested our taste might be questionable. I quipped, “I wouldn’t necessarily worry about his opinion on this, he eats kidneys for dinner.”

Sleepless stuck with her standard dessert – chocolate cake – and Three Sips and I had café. “They’re so cute and tiny,” said Sleepless. “How many sips in a cup.” Without hesitation, Three Sips responded, “Three sips.” Mine was actually five, but who’s counting?

Being the seasoned travelers we are, we have a few questions and answers. Anyone who has flown is familiar with the safety instructions provided at the beginning of the flight and just prior to landing. Such as, seat backs forward and trays upright. Trays upright I kind of understand, but seat backs forward doesn’t make sense. As The Leaver would say, “What does it mean?” Is it to increase speed? Like when you lean forward on a low CC scooter or bicycle in an attempt to pick up the speed? Is our ability to take off quicker truly dependent on whether or not passengers are forward sitting. If so, I would like to have a few words to the passenger in 16D. Pretty sure he was the main reason our flight was delayed.

Like many other airlines, Air France provides an instructional video to promote safety messages. As we were watching the video the flight attendant on the screen mentioned smoking was “strictly forbidden.” This is a phrase commonly used by our cute little French friend, Maverick Midget King. Sleepless took note, “Now we know where Maverick Midget King learned to speak English.”

The instructions continued and, as they were demonstrating use of the inflatable life jacket, the passenger to our right quickly checked underneath his seat to ensure his jacket was there – seems a bit doubting, but perhaps he has had prior flights when he needed it and it wasn’t there. I was telling Sleepless I didn’t bring a neck pillow and was thinking about inflating my life vest. It was as if the video attendant heard my idea because she instructed, “Do not use your life jacket for any other reason.”

Our final question, “Are we there yet?” was answered 15 hours after our initial departure from New York City. We were finally on foreign soil. Now, we will be tasked with more difficult questions and answers. Est-ce que vous parlez anglais? Seulement en lit. Comment payez-vous? Seulement en lit. And last, but not least, gay or foreign (a question we frequently ask regardless of our location)? Seulement en lit…..bienvenue à bord!

Rain has been an integral part of this trip – it delayed our flight into and out of JFK. The flight from JFK to Boston is typically short, but the rain caused a wait on the tarmac that exceeded our actual flight time.

Most people would be upset by this – we decided to embrace it. The captain decided to provide an update, “We’ve got about 14 planes in front of us with a departure time of about 3 minutes in between. Someone please do the math.” Sleepless didn’t miss that subtlety, “I think he can’t do the math.” I pulled out my trusty notepad and quickly did the math. When the flight attendant walked by I advised her I had the answer for the captain. “Did he mention there are different runways?” she asked. I replied, “Oh great, now its a story problem.”

A few minutes later the flight attendant returned, “Where is your homework?” I handed her my notepad and she pulled out a pink pen and wrote, ‘A+’. We asked what might happen if we missed our flight to Paris, “You’ll get a bag with a toothbrush and other items. You should ask for an old bag, they have a t-shirt in them.” “A t-shirt? Really?” I excitedly responded, “What does it read? ‘I got bumped in Boston’?” She giggled and replied, “I wish, I love that. We’ll be sure to announce to other passengers that you have a tight connection and they need to stay put so you can get off.” Then we all giggled.

A few minutes later the other flight attendant stopped by our row, “I know you girls don’t need any sugar, but here is a treat (peanuts and Biscoff cookies) for you for being so good – you have to hide them, none of the other coach passengers get them.” She glanced around the plane quickly and then said, “I’m gonna get you guys arrested so you can stay on the next flight. You’re so much fun I’m gonna pull out the handcuffs.”

We decided to write them a letter, fold it into a paper airplane, and send it flying their way (we couldn’t walk it to them because the seatbelt light was on and the captain had advised them it was a ‘sterile cockpit’). They were very appreciative of the letter and stopped by quickly to let us know, “That was really great origami – never seen anything quite like it. And, yes, the cockpit is still sterile.”

Once we finally got to Boston and we were deplaning, we were fully prepared with a response to the standard, “Bye, bye.” Our response was going to be, “Thank you for getting us off so quickly”, but she threw us a curve ball with, “You girls are so funny and, by the way, I do have a handcuff key.” Looks like they did actually read the origami airplane.

In less than 24 hours Sleepless and I will be on a plane headed to Paris and YummYummy will be back in the land of maple.

 

Knowing this, we decided to make our last day in Manhattan very special (NOTE: We would do this regardless).   This is best accomplished by having frozen hot chocolate and appetizers at Serendipity 3, followed by ravioli and tortelloni at Scarlatto. While eating, we had the pleasure of listening to a French Canadian couple who were at the table next to us. Their conversation sounded so sweet, so eloquent, so French.

 

The woman was speaking when, in the middle of her story, she broke into English, “Are you fucking kidding me?” She totally stopped speaking French to call the dog. A little later her boyfriend broke into English – also mid French/story – “If you don’t like it, don’t play golf.”

 

Next thing you know, we’re at the Pig & Whistle with Mr. and Mrs. Don’t Play Golf. We were tearing up the dance floor when Mr. Don’t Play Golf noticed Sleepless had been neglecting her drink, “Come on sister wife, drink up!” Sleepless did as instructed and immediately returned to the dance floor. The live band was appreciative of the energy we brought to the bar and regularly recognized our efforts, “We’d like to thank the dancers….and the singers (we assisted with the lyrics every now and again).” Sorry Andy (and Justin Timerlake, too), we’re the dancers.

 

We eventually danced our way to The Snug where we were warmly welcomed by our favorite bartender. It wasn’t long before we were approached by a patron who felt compelled to tell us, “There’s not much going on down there – I’m Irish. In fact, I’m not even sure I’m average.” Always good to know when you first met someone – but he wasn’t done, he had more, “I’m into brunettes.” Sleepless asserted, “Narrowed it down to two – nice.” Not Average looked at YummYummy and quickly changed his mind, “I’m a blonde kind of guy.”

 

Where is Good Eye Money Guy when we need him? This guy is our retirement plan.

Everybody’s day starts at a different hour. Sometimes because of the time zones and most times just because. Today, our day started around 11. YummYummy and I woke up to find a note from Sleepless, “Went to breakfast, be back soon.” Nothing like a back soon note to start your day.

 

Within no time, Sleepless was back and Good Eye Money Guy and I’ll Drink It were waiting for us outside, “Grab your bags and go outside,” I’ll Drink It instructed, “Quick, we’re double parked.” And within minutes we were leaving Manhattan and on our way to the Hamptons.

 

Once we arrived, we lounged a bit and then played some Boggle – QuQueen and The Leaver would be so proud. Good Eye Money Guy was making up all kinds of tricks to score points, with his main “play” being “getting it as many ways as I can.” After we played several games YummYummy gave us some “tests.” “I like knowing tidbits about my friends and sometimes I like to give them tests, like, can you write your name backwards…in cursive, and can you put you leg over your head?” We could, and we did.

 

After passing the friend test we headed into East Hamptons and Amagansett for triple Ds: drinks, dinner and dancing. The band at the bar, Check, Check, Uh Huh, Uh Huh, was off the hook. They didn’t have to bring the 80s back – they never let it go. Nor did we, and we fully appreciated the stage time with Bono-be.

 

We returned from the bar – Sleepless, YummYummy and I had a pillow fight photo shoot – and then waited for Good Eye Money Guy to make brownies. Before the brownies were baked, one of the guys from the bar showed up at the door. “What do I do?” asked Sleepless. “I’m not drunk enough to have sex.” Good Eye Money Guy, who is very protective of Sleepless and always about the money, immediately starting talking complete bullshit and walked Bar Guy out to the barn to grab a beer. Upon their return we knew questions were in order. “What did he tell you?” we asked Bar Guy. “The deal was I pay $5,000 to stay the night here,” said Bar Guy, “regardless of who I sleep with.” I have a feeling Bar Guy’s ROI won’t be too good and the question he asked, after a few minutes of hanging out with us, could be the determining factor, “I have a question….are there parents here?” Wow. None of us are drunk enough for that one.

 

Except Good Eye Money Guy. He and If You Don’t Want It I’ll Drink It have been together for about 18 months. “I love my life,” said Good Eye Money Guy, “I haven’t had this much sex since I was a boy scout.” Check, check, uh huh, uh huh.

 

A few minutes and dance moves later Good Eye Money Guy had a message for Bar Guy, “Go fuck yourself. No, really, go fuck yourself. Bathroom is to the right. There’s lube, there’s chocolate sauce. We’ve got whatever you need, and whatever we need, and right now we need you to go fuck yourself.” Another check, check, uh huh, uh huh.

The weather on the East coast has been very dramatic lately – causing power outages, flooding and, more importantly, flight delays. Sleepless, YummYummy and I had all taken advantage of JB and were supposed to meet at JFK this morning at 6. I was so excited to hang out with them that I couldn’t sleep, so I had been watching the news for hours – which consisted solely of weather reports. A reporter in Tarrytown was asked if it was raining, “No,” she replied, “It isn’t raining, but I’m wet.”

 

By 9 AM we were all together and hitting the wet streets of Manhattan. First place of business: Corner Bistro in Greenwich Village. I had read it was the place to go on Friday afternoons, which is true if you don’t want to wait, want your pick of any table, and if you like bacon (instead of waxed paper) on your grilled cheese sandwich.

 

After our bellies were full we hit the streets again. We met up with some of Sleepless’ friends, who were all amazing. Last Letter shared a hilarious story about busting her brother and some neighbor boys in the closet comparing their junk (years ago). “This was quite the sight. Those boys were super skinny and my brother was fat. Not chubby, fat. I’m not even sure how he could even see it to compare it.” We made plans to meet You Know What I’m Sayin’ for dinner and then headed to Good Eye Money Guy’s office.

 

Good Eye Money Guy welcomed us with shots of tequila – the term “shots” being used loosely, they were more like drinks. An hour or so later, YummYummy had an epiphany, “Do you realize we’re drunk for the first time at 6:30? I could just drink in this office all night.” Good Eye Money Guy’s office was a lot like Manager’s office, in that there was plenty of room for activities. In addition, with the view and the drinks it seemed the perfect spot for photos. Good Eye Money Guy quickly became the camera guy. Sleepless and YummYummy tried some interesting maneuvers, which, unfortunately, were not documented.

 

We were reviewing our photos as much as we were taking them. “I love the pictures where we look ugly,” said YummYummy. “Me too,” I said, “In fact, I’ve noticed I’m bringing voluptuous back – one pound at a time.” Sleepless giggled and added, “I eat dessert.”

I’ve never been one to date for money. In fact, while other girls are digging gold, I’m digging fool’s gold.

About two years ago I decided to travel— a lot. This year I really embraced this decision and I am just about to finish off a month of weekend travels with a trip to Manhattan, the Hamptons, Paris and Switzerland.

I was discussing my travels with a coworker and he said, “You must have a sugar daddy.” “No,” I replied, “Just a sugar self and a credit card company that is happy to have of my business.”

A few minutes later another coworker introduced me to his girlfriend who he met on match.com. “Maybe you should look for a sugar daddy on match.com,” said the other coworker. “No, I’d rather date what I’m used to so I think I’ll stick with mismatch.com.”

As of late it seems I am starting a lot of sentences with, “Let me preface this with ‘I’m an asshole.'” I did this during a meeting and, after sharing my opinion, one of the committee members quipped, “You didn’t need to preface that, it came through loud and clear.”

Though that might be true, I still like the preface factor – its like having an exclamation point at the beginning of the sentence. And, the truth is, I am an asshole. Not because I’m rude or insincere; because I speak my mind and say, often times, what everyone else wishes they could say.

So let me preface this with, “I’m an asshole…….”

Last night gambling, tonight, theater. Little Man treated Prize Winner and I to “Crazy for You” at an incredible outdoor theater.  As we were making our way to our seats he shared some outdoor theater wisdom with me, “All of the old people sit up here – in these upper rows – that’s their thing. It’s the misters, they do it for the misters.” I took a quick look around and he was right – all old, all being misted. Once we got our seats I took another look around and realized the audience was primarily grey toppers. “Little Man,” I said, “Look at all of this grey, I can’t believe it. I guess you’re used to seeing this many seniors living out here.” He confirmed they were the majority in the town. I was still a bit shocked. I haven’t seen that much grey since the night I watched Calendar Girls and Cocoon back-to-back.

As we were leaving the theater we saw a row of tour buses waiting for the grey toppers. I thought it might be fun to pretend we were with the bus group – Prize Winner agreed. We then thought better of it and made our way for the next closest thing: my silver car with grey intererior.  Driving home we were talking about various life experiences when Prize Winner said, “I told you I win prizes, right?” Uh, no, she did not. She went on to tell Little Man and I about the various contests (writing jingles, making commercials, etc.) that she has won. Her winnings have included all-expense paid vacations, money, makeovers, the works. One of her favorite contests was for a product popular among those who suffer from irregularity, like the grey toppers (way to segway Prize Winner). She and her kids made several videos for a laxative with the prize winning line being, “If you take it, you will go.”

Catchy. More importantly, I’ve now determined the tell-tale signs of aging: grey hair (given), misters, bus tours and laxatives.  Currently, I’m 0-4, but I did once ride a double-decker bus on holiday and misters are on sale right now……

Having just returned from Chicago, I had decided it might be a good idea to stay in one night – relax, read a book, think about life. Dr. BJ also thought this might be wise. So, even though I was again heading out of town, I had resigned to the idea of staying in. Until, a few hours away from my destination, I got a call from Blackjack and Prime Rib wanting to know if I would be joining them for an evening of discount dining and gambling – I caved. Over the weekend, She’s A Hard One and I had discussed my ongoings, “I think you don’t know how to say ‘no,'” she said. “It’s not entirely that,” I replied. “I just have a horribly hard time declining when something sounds fun.” Case in point: discount dining and gambling.

 

After enjoying a spectacular meal, we hit the tables. Well, Blackjack and Prime Rib hit the $2 tables and I made my way to the penny slots. I enjoyed the slots at the amazing price of approximately $3/minute. I decided my money wouldn’t last much longer if I stayed at the slots so I cut my losses and headed over to the $2 table. Blackjack was doing great – he was winning one hand after another. Prime Rib wasn’t doing too bad himself – although he was doing a much better job having Blackjack order his drinks. I finally joined in the mix and was doing pretty well – my cost to gamble actually went from $3/minute to $3/hour. We were discussing whether winning was a result of luck, talent or good living. Blackjack glanced up from his cards, gave a sly nod and said, “Cardma.”