I don’t don silk or fancy attire when flying, but I do try to avoid looking like I just rolled out of bed. Recently, on a trip to Portland with Live Longer, I wore black pants, black boots, and a shirt with a sequined tiger on the chest.
I emptied all of my belongings into the plastic bins and attempted to make my way through TSA. Unfortunately, the tiger set off a few bells and whistles resulting in the need for a ‘female assist.’ “I’m just going to run my hand under and between your breasts,” she told me. Live Longer watched, giggling, and asked, “Can I borrow your shirt on the flight home?”
Once I was safely felt up, we made our way to the Sky Club for a beverage. “I can see why people are wanting Delta to raise their standards. Look at all of the kids in here. They should just ban kids,” Live Longer observed. We were soon joined by our Portland host who agreed with Live Longer’s observation and wondered if having children in the Sky Club violated state liquor laws. “Pretty sure international laws trump state laws at airports. Kind of like crimes on the high seas,” I replied. Although they doubted my theory, they found it entertaining.
“Speaking of high seas,” I said, “Did you hear they have amnesty boxes at the Colorado Springs Airport where pot smoking travelers can leave their weed if they ‘accidentally’ brought it with them?” I asked. “No way,” Live Longer replied, “Totally true,” I said and added, “In fact, they’re thinking of changing TSA’s name to THCSA.” That part isn’t true, but it might be a name change worth considering.