A pimpnholiday surprise indeed! MiniMe was not expecting her mother and her friends to welcome her ho ho home at the airport baggage claim while shouting ‘ho ho ho!’ and donning amazing attire. Also not expected was the fall on black ice after I exited the car and headed into the airport.
Like the time I fell and fractured my shoulder, I fell, brushed myself off, got up and said, “I’m fine.” Unlike my shoulder, I actually saw something noticeably wrong with my wrist – the back of my wrist was swelling and looked a bit like a ganglion cyst. While the other elves waited with MiniMe for her luggage, I checked in with the airport medics.
“I like your shorts. Where did you get them?” one medic asked and then added, “Looks like a hematoma. You should be fine.” “What should I do with it?” I asked. “Ice it. Elevate it. Do you want to go to the ER?” he replied. “No. Do I need to go to the ER?” “Only if you want pain meds,” the other medic piped in. “I don’t do drugs,” I told them, thanked them for their care, and walked away with a bag of ice hoisted on my hand, red and white striped thigh high socks peeking out beneath my ‘naughty but nice’ boxer shorts, complimented by biker boots, Santa hat and blue Christmas sweater with snowman, reindeer, tree and the like.
As I sat on the floor near the baggage claim carousel with Tree and Awkward, arm atop my head, I informed them I was supposed to “ice and elevate.” As I did so I realized the bag was not tied and lowered my arm so I could tie it. With the bag tied I placed it atop my head, sans arm. “Are you drunk? What was in your coffee this morning?” Tree asked. “Oops,” I said, placing my arm under the ice. “I’m not sure what was in my coffee, Live Longer made it. Fact is, I’m sober. I only get hurt when I’m sober.”
It’s true. I fall all of the time, but I only seem to get seriously injured when I’m sober – especially this year. Greater tuberosity fracture in April. Hairline fracture in October. Wrist in October. Third time is the arm, not the charm.
“You need a bone density test,” Tree told me. “You need to drink more milk,” MiniMe advised. “I need a drink,” I told them both and we headed to brunch where, to at least appease MiniMe, I ordered egg nog…with bourbon.