The members of my book club are simple people. As a result, this month we decided to read Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People by Amy Sedaris. In addition to ‘reading’ the book ,we were tasked with making a craft for everyone in the club and attending in an ugly sweater.
As the weeks before the big night passed I got more and more excited to share my craft – wooden ornaments (hand painted and glittered up by me) with a picture of me (last week with my hair in side ponytails and my retainer in) deco podged on the front and back. After I thought of this idea, I thought of another that would be perfect for the party – ringerfood plates. For this concoction I needed several rings from the Ring Pops candies so I could pop a small plate or piece of cardboard with a doily on top. After eating my way through a few rings I almost gave up because I was sick to my stomach. It was about this time I realized there was no need to eat the candy, I could just use a hammer on them. This trick worked great and was easily completed by my five-year-old niece. Child labor laws are so overrated.
Once at book club I was gobsmacked by the talent of my poor friends. Live Longer had made lovely after sex tools on which she cross-stitched simple sayings such as ‘Shag Rag,’ ‘Come Again,’ Thank You’ and ‘Happy Ending.’ Beaner made snowmen out of cotton balls, cotton swabs and dryer sheets (the latter resulted in a near asthma attack that she promptly fought off with her inhaler). Bruiser took an old puzzle, painted the pieces and made moose ornaments. Ashterisk brought candy from Burma. “They are different colors in the end but they all start out the same in the beginning,” she informed us. “Just like people,” I replied, taking the book club to a cultural level. BioMom brought pipe cleaner and jingle balls for us to make key chains however some of us, BioMom included, got clever and instead turned them into bracelets, rings and bluetooth devices.
While we admired everyone’s work we snacked on the lovely snacks and desserts provided by Sleepless – the favorite visual snack being the candle salad which was constructed of bananas propped up by pineapple rings and topped with whipping cream and a cherry.
By the end of the night, we had successfully traded and crafted several ho-made gifts and we were all donning a bit of a socialite glow. This crafts may be for poor people, but we drink, eat and be merry like we’re upper crust. Speaking of crust, I think next time I may make loofahs out of burnt toast.