Tree and Awkward are all about hipster events. As such, they recently invited me to attend a fundraiser to promote men’s health issues at a swanky corner retailer downtown. We arrived to find a hipsters dream come true – mustaches, vests, belts, beanies, booze, photo opps, jazz band, sexual tension, and a social cause.
Complimentary shave cream was offered at the door and Tree couldn’t get it in his pocket fast enough. “I didn’t grab one of those,” I told him. “You should, you’ve got legs,” he said. “I wasn’t thinking about my legs. Do you think it will still be good in Muffuary?” I asked. “Gross,” he replied.
Like most fundraisers this event had a silent auction. As we perused around the clothing section, Awkward and I found a shirt for sale at the not-so-hipster price of $365. “Is this a silent auction item? I’d like to start the bid at $10, it’s for the prostate,” I told Awkward. He then found a pair of jeans, a little more in the hipster price range ($150), “I’d like to bid on these. I’ll start the bid at $5,” he said. Sadly, they weren’t up for auction.
I eventually found the silent auction while Tree and Awkward, warmed by the free whiskey and wine, smoked outside. By the time they returned I had bid on and won six auction items. “I should have gone outside with you guys. My co-pays for dealing with second-hand smoke would probably cost me less. Too bad I already reported my Amex stolen,” I told them. “What did you buy?” Tree asked then said, “My God girl! Did you buy everything? Oh, look at this, this one has a notebook. Won’t do you any good though because you stopped taking notes and blogging a long time ago!” “That is so not true. I blogged the other day,” I replied. “No, you didn’t. I had to let you know you hadn’t. I really don’t care and, unlike That’s Not Chinese, I’ll still correct you, even if I’m not in it,” he informed me with a verbal finger wag.
So not true. He does care about being in the blog. In fact, his concerns about being in the blog are as strong as his doctors concerns about being in his rectum. While his doctor is checking his prostate for problems, he is checking for his name in the blog. So, in hopes that Tree will relax his sphincter muscle and his mind, I present to you: Finger Wag – a blog about Tree calling me out and the importance of men allowing a doctor to lube up their finger, stick it in their rectum, move it around a bit, and then advise them they will call in a few weeks. Sounds like a date I once had with a hipster – the social cause: Pubic Awareness.