There are times when I wish Rodgers and Hammerstein could provide some music for our fair shenanigans – wouldn’t that be kinda fun? I do believe the state fair provides for a fine night of a lot of things, singing being one of them.
We have had some musical masterpieces at the fair, specifically those involving Wilson Phillips and VH1. So glad we held on for that. This year, however, the only thing we hoped for was the sound of motors revving as the drivers prepared to ram their car into the other cars in the dirt arena. This sound is music to our ears.
We did our part for the event by dressing in derby appropriate attire – camouflage, never nude shorts, muscle shirts, flags, eagles, boots and fanny packs. I bedazzled my fanny pack just prior to the fair and, sadly, busted the bedazzler before finishing my work. As a result, instead of ‘DERBY,’ it read ‘DER.’ This seemed appropriate, so, I wrapped it around my camouflage body suit, donned my Jesus Inside ball cap, grabbed my bus pass, some Slurpees, a ketchup bottle filled with coconut rum, and met up with the gang. Luckily, they had breast milk bags full of whiskey, so I only had to share my hooch with a few of my friends.
We entered the derby fashionably late. Truly, we looked really good and we were quite late. The drivers did a couple of heats and then called it a night. How was this possible? How can one call it a night when the sun is still up and they’re not in Alaska? We paid extra to get in the fair just so we could attend this annual event. I don’t know about everyone else, but I paid a total of at least $13.69 for my outfit. Combine that with my ticket price, beers and fried food and my total is more than I make hourly. Totally (state) unfair.