It’s that time of year again when I attend a certain fundraiser, ‘it’s for the kids,’ and spend a lot of money on auction items. Being that I am currently sponsoring a big kid in need of copays, surgery fees and physical therapy, most of my money is spent. Thus, instead of bidding on items this year, Oreggano and I bid on behalf of Ice Cream Man.
We went around the silent auction cautiously bidding on baskets and items that may or may not be of interest to Ice Cream man and we really couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when the bids close and he learned of his winnings.
As the silent auction ended and bids were being tallied, the live auction began. This is the part of the evening when my arm and credit cards get really tired of being used. Due to my sling, I was limited to right arm bidding and, fortunately, couldn’t participate in any two-armed ‘holla!’ activity – Oreggano, however, cannot say the same.
As one of the items was nearing a purchase point of $3000, Sleepless, Oreggano and I were chatting about different stages in our life. It was at this exact time, well, at approximately “$2700? Do I hear $2700? Who wants this for $2700?” When Oreggano extended both arms high above her head and did a double “holla!” All eyes at the table widened and she quickly threw her arms down to her side. Luckily, the auctioneer didn’t see her gesture and someone else in the room felt $2700 was not nearly enough for this item and bid higher.
“This is when the T-Rex holla! is most appropriate,” I said while showing Oreggano how it is done, then advised the rest of the table, “Let that be a lesson learned. From now on, I don’t want your hands where I can see them.”
Ice Cream Man took this advice to heart and, after retrieving wine for us and bumping the back of a chair, thus, a little spillage occurred, had both hands working hard under the table. Unfortunately, the bump and spill resulted in a couple of red wine spots on his pants. As a result, he was rubbing his pants vigorously in hopes of eliminating the stain. To those seated across from him or, really, anywhere else in the room, it probably appeared as though he might be rubbing one off . He was, so to speak – he was trying to rub one, two, possibly three stains off of his pants.
During the time he was cleaning his pants several high-priced auction items were sold to others without even one bid from Ice Cream Man. Sometimes, even if the money is for the kids, taking care of our pants is more important. Pants – they’re for the kids. Without them our money doesn’t go to help the kids or pay our copays. Instead, our money goes to attorney fees and fines related to exhibitionist charges. Can I get a T-Rex holla!?!?!