A day or two before my surgery I received an email from the hospital. I opened it to find an ‘Express Pass’ that I was to print and bring with me the day of the surgery. As Sleepless drove me to the hospital, I informed her of the pass. “Express Pass? What does that mean?” “I think it means we won’t have to wait in line for the Indiana Jones ride,” I replied.
We arrived at the hospital to find no one in sight. We did, however, find the Express kiosk and were a few steps into the process when a hospital employee informed us, “I can take it from here.” She checked me in and then an admitting nurse invited us into one of the neighboring rooms. In the room, on the table between the two patient chairs, was syringe paraphernalia. “I hate it when these are left around,” she told us and put the plastic pieces into her pocket. “I know I had your hospital band. I must have left it somewhere,” she said and, a few minutes later, another employee opened the door and handed her my band. “There it is,” she stated. Consistency is key and my medical experiences are consistently quirky.
The nurse took us to a patient room, provided me a hospital gown and instructions, then left. A few minutes later, my surgeon entered the room to discuss the surgical procedure and post-procedure with me, “You can’t get the bandage wet, so you’ll have to sponge bathe. Be sure to stick a dry towel under your arm and clean it good. It gets musky.” At some point he added, “It’s easy to get all backed up around here.” To be honest, I don’t recall if he was talking about the surgical facility or my bowels. Either way, it was noteworthy and, if it got all backed up, my Express Pass was printed and ready to go!