Greetings from China or is it Germany?

The other day, just prior to arriving at work (well, not me, but those who arrive at work in the 8 o’clock hour), I received an email from the administrative services staff in our building. The email was sent to everyone in the building and advised us they had spent the evening prior, from 5-10:30 PM, conducting an inspection. While doing said inspection, they ‘took some extra time in helping some of you spring clean.’ Translation: They plundered our offices – taking down anything that was taped or pinned to walls, flipper files and the like. In addition, they ‘did note who had extra furniture that was not intended.’

After doing this, they moved on to policing the horticulture and reminded us, ‘you are only allowed 1 plant in a 6″ pot.’ From there they focused on something we all prefer to be in focus, photos (we’re only allowed one or two framed photos of family or a favorite pet, a nice picture, or calendar). Luckily, they cut us some photo slack this inspection, ‘We did not take pictures this time, too much tape in the way….’ Next on their list was personal appliances that are not allowed in the office or allowed with restrictions. For example, ‘Laps also need a energy efficient bulb.’ Yes, laps.

Luckily, I don’t have plants or photos of my family – all of my photos are of other people’s families so I’m in the clear there. I did, however, arrive to work to find several of my belongings laying atop my keyboard and desk. In a pile on my desk was the ‘LOVE WILL TEAR US APART’ banner that I taped to my windows a year or so ago with the intention of using it as Charlotte used her web. Unfortunately, I was never able to spell out ‘TERRIFIC,’ ‘RADIANT,’ ‘HUMBLE,’ or ‘SOME PIG.’ Scattered across my keyboard were several emails from my superiors with pertinent deadlines and information vital to my job – these had previously been taped to a flipper file because I love to use tape to buck the system whenever possible.

Although I knew I needed a badge to get into my office, I had no idea I needed a passport – it felt like I was in China or, if you added a time machine to the mix, 1930-1940s Germany. As much as I wanted to stay and re-tape my belongings to the window and flipper file, I knew I had to escape the madness. So, I told my boss, “I’d love to stay and chat, but the Von Trapp family is waiting for me outside. So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehen, adieu. Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu.”