Mia Mamma phoned me this morning to invite me to an estate sale. Like all estate sales, this was taking place due to a recently deceased person. Unlike most estate sales, this death was actually a homicide that took place in one of Mia Mamma’s and Pop’s rental units.
Oreggano is familiar with the story, because the homicide occurred on a day when we were scheduled to make nut logs with Mia Mamma, so I sent her a text to advise her of the event. “Heading to a killer yard sale. That’s right, they’re selling shit from the homicide duplex. I guess my uncle is acting like The Leaver so nothing is selling. Thus, they’re calling in the big guns.” Oreggano and I are pros at yard sales so it is no surprise they wanted at least one of us there to increase sales.
I arrived to find several family members at the estate sale, to include my uncle who looks like Chevy Chase. A neighbor walked up and asked whether or not one of the DVD players worked. “We don’t know if anything works,” my uncle told him. “They just pulled up to a random house, gutted it, and put up an estate sale sign,” I told the neighbor and added, “It has a remote, we’ll take $5.” “I’m well aware of what happened here,” the neighbor advised my uncle. “So I guess if I told we strapped her to the roof of the car and headed to Wally World you would understand?” my uncle asked. The neighbor walked away, sans DVD player.
“Do you have any mattresses?” I asked my Uncle. “We did, but it’s in the evidence room now. I do have some sequined pants we put aside for you,” he said and handed me some brown velour bedazzled pants. Just then, Mia Mamma walked up with a fur coat she had been holding for me. “How much?” I asked. “How much do you have?” Mia Mamma asked. “$10,” I replied. “Too much. We’ll take $5,” she said. “This is a killer yard sale!” I exclaimed.
I got home, tried on my new outfit, and posted a picture of me in it on facebook and instagram. “That fur coat is to die for. No pun intended,” Beaner commented. Based on my family’s comments today, it appears being insensitive is totally genetic. Which makes me wonder if a DNA test is in order, because when Oreggano saw the outfit she commented, “Killer Deal!”