That’s Not Chinese invited me to her house for dinner and holiday gift exchange. Like any good hostess would do, she advised me in a stern voice, “We will be having meat.” Although this was sent to me, not said to me, I could sense the tone in her type. Even though I’m not a vegetarian, the only time I really seem to eat meat is when I am at That’s Not Chinese’s house. She loves her meat.
I arrived at her house, ready to get primal, and she poured me a glass of wine. Nothing prepares one for meat like a nice glass of red and a roaring fire, which That’s Not Chinese loves this time of year. We sat by the fire, drank wine and exchanged gifts. The gifts given to me by That’s Not Chinese and Unfazed were nothing short of amazing. I immediately donned the my dingle balls hat and Unfazed tried on her owl Wellies. That’s Not Chinese continued to relax in her chair with her glass of wine. “God I love these casweats,” she told us while tugging on the bottom of her cut-off sweat pants. “Casweats or sweapris?” I asked. “It doesn’t matter. They’re elastic waist, that’s all that matters,” she replied.
That’s Not Chinese eventually got up from her chair, grabbed an extremely small (1×5) stick, threw it in the fire and then prepared to return to her chair. “That’s it? That’s all you’re putting in the fire?” I asked. Unfazed, unusually fazed, concurred. “You know what? I don’t waste things like you two do,” That’s Not Chinese told us in that stern, “We will be having meat” tone. “What have we wasted?” I asked. “You’re wasting my time,” That’s Not Chinese quipped and returned to her chair.
Alas, with That’s Not Chinese in her casweats, Unfazed in her boots, and I in my cap, the fire roared (meowed might be more appropriate), the quips and wine flowed, and we all settled down, thankful for elastic waist as opposed to frap.