Years ago Beaner worked for a plastic surgeon. On a regular basis, he would approach her, lift her eyebrows with his fingers and say, “You should really do an eye lift.” During this time, I would regularly agree to be the guinea pig for the aestheticians. “Can you feel any burning on your skin?” they asked while trying out a chemical peel on my face. “No,” I replied. Looks of shock consumed their faces and one said, “That’s weird.” The other attempted to whisper to her, “I accidentally did the highest level of acidity.”
A few years later, Beaner was working elsewhere – sans a eye lift – and I received a call from the plastic surgeon’s office reminding me of my Botox appointment. I hadn’t made a Botox appointment, but Oreggano and I decided we should spend a day making prank calls to people reminding them of various appointments and consultations. I love a good prank.
Which is why I knew I could not turn down the invitation to their 10 year anniversary/holiday party. Beaner and I went together and quickly found we were the only people there, besides the caterers, who had not had work done. Well, Beaner did have her former boss, when he was her boss, give her a boob job, but who hasn’t done that?
The party had wine, food, product samples, and more plastic than:
Barbie
a credit card company
a Tupperware party
Cher
One woman had so much work done on her face, it appeared her eyes might never close again. “You know the phrase ‘sleep with one eye open’?” I rhetorically asked Beaner and then said, “Pretty sure she sleeps with both eyes open. No way those things close.” We made a few more observations, enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine, took some photos in the exam room when they weren’t looking – or maybe they were, so hard to tell – then left. Next stop: doorbell ditch Mia Momma and My Pops. The pranks never stop, thus, you best sleep with one eye open….or two, if you must.