It’s been a while since Can’t Be Bothered and I have chatted, so we set a Skype date. Like most of my communication devices, my Skype has been shite as of late. Thus, my video and voice were choppy. “You sound like you’re rapping,” she told me. “It’s the rapper upgrade on Skype. Very expensive,” I rapped. “You look like one of those pictures you make of people using little pieces of paper and glue,” she told me and added, “This may not work. I have an easier time understanding the non-English speaking Chinese women at the office.” “I’ve heard that before. How about I just message you what I’m saying and move my hands and mouth a bit so it looks like we’re talking?” I suggested. She didn’t quite understand, so I messaged it to her. She would ask questions and I would reply via message. “This is awesome – it’s like Closed Captions. You should make your side of the convo your blog today,” she said. I replied with a “thumbs up.”
turn the heat down so i can hear you [12/2/12 9:26:59 AM]
we met some guys at a steakhouse [12/2/12 9:27:57 AM]
dressed nice, friday night, wine blending [12/2/12 9:27:59 AM]
gay, right? [12/2/12 9:28:23 AM]
we assume they are all gay [12/2/12 9:28:31 AM]
and invite them back – safe bet [12/2/12 9:28:39 AM]
krystal and reggan are married [12/2/12 9:28:47 AM]
yes. handsome. good dressers. [12/2/12 9:28:55 AM]
and working on a film [12/2/12 9:29:15 AM]
they need a barn to burn [12/2/12 9:29:31 AM]
i offer my shed [12/2/12 9:29:41 AM]
it won’t work too close to homes [12/2/12 9:29:45 AM]
chickens [12/2/12 9:29:51 AM]
power lines [12/2/12 9:29:57 AM]
damn [12/2/12 9:30:04 AM]
gnomes [12/2/12 9:30:17 AM]
i mention costumes [12/2/12 9:30:25 AM]
they want to see my box [12/2/12 9:30:28 AM]
of costumes [12/2/12 9:30:32 AM]
totally gay, right? [12/2/12 9:30:40 AM]
one guy puts on a muumuu [12/2/12 9:30:54 AM]
and asks me to put on a one-piece footed pajama [12/2/12 9:30:58 AM]
i do [12/2/12 9:31:26 AM]
i hadn’t been shaving for some time [12/2/12 9:31:36 AM]
but went ahead and changed in front of him [12/2/12 9:31:40 AM]
major muff hanging out [12/2/12 9:32:47 AM]
so we step outside to look at the barn, i of course, not wanting to ruin my footed pajamas, don some wellies [12/2/12 9:32:53 AM]
it’s a no go [12/2/12 9:32:57 AM]
but he likes the hammock [12/2/12 9:33:03 AM]
will this hold two? [12/2/12 9:33:09 AM]
we can try [12/2/12 9:33:13 AM]
it did [12/2/12 9:33:23 AM]
totally makes a move on the major muff [12/2/12 9:33:44 AM]
i am zipped to the gill [12/2/12 9:33:51 AM]
its a one-piece [12/2/12 9:33:59 AM]
we just kept making out [12/2/12 9:34:54 AM]
he stays the night [12/2/12 9:35:02 AM]
total high school action [12/2/12 9:35:09 AM]
it was awesome [12/2/12 9:35:13 AM]
he did my hair [12/2/12 9:35:20 AM]
just the back of it [12/2/12 9:36:06 AM]
i couldn’t come the rat out of the back in the morning [12/2/12 9:36:19 AM]
*comb [12/2/12 9:36:33 AM]
you are so gay [12/2/12 9:36:36 AM]
you did my hair [12/2/12 9:36:47 AM]
he liked that we thought they were gay [12/2/12 9:36:49 AM]
but they’re not [12/2/12 9:37:49 AM]
the next week i picked him up from his hotel room [12/2/12 9:37:56 AM]
this is a test of the emergency broadcast system [12/2/12 9:38:01 AM]
the broadcasters of your area in voluntary cooperation with the FCC and other authorities have developed this system to keep you informed in the event of an emergency [12/2/12 9:38:05 AM]
The rest, well, that’s a closed door, not closed captions, conversation.