Dignity?

Having been friends for some time, Sleepless, Ice Cream Man and I are not strangers to spending a lot of time together. We’re also not strangers to sharing the bed. Don’t get any crazy ideas, there’s nothing sexual about it and, after I tell you about a night in the sack with us, you’ll understand why.

We stopped at a fast food Mexican restaurant on the way home and decided to eat our food, in bed, while enjoying a glass of wine and A Night At The Roxbury. Sleepless, who was in the middle of the bed, reached over, wiped some burrito juice off my shirt and told us, “I lost my hand sanitizer night.” “I’m surprised we came home with anything,” I replied, now knowing that in addition to losing my keys I had lost my camera battery and a ridiculously expensive lipliner. Eventually, the hypothermia had left our bodies, the food had warmed them, and we all fell asleep.

I woke up in the morning to find Sleepless was no longer in the bed and Ice Cream Man was fast asleep.  I got out of bed, found Sleepless in the other room, and we reviewed photos and facebook exchanges from the night before. “This explains so much,” I told her and added, “Especially the bruises.” “Did you sleep well?” she asked. “I did, thanks for asking,” I replied. “I’m pretty sure I held you all night. I woke up with my arm around and it hurt, so I’m guessing it is because my arm was in that position all night,” she told me. “That was nice of you. Thanks,” I said.

Ice Cream Man woke up and immediately posed a question, “Do you know why that fan is on?” “No,” I replied. “Because you were snoring so loud I couldn’t sleep,” he advised. “Really? Me? I had no idea I snore,” I told him. “I would have recorded it but my phone was in the other room,” he replied. “I seriously had no idea I snore,” I said, still in shock of this news. “It’s ok, she farts in her sleep,” he said looking at Sleepless and then said, “It’s so cute.” “Some people snore with their nose, some people snore with their butt,” I advised.

Ice Cream Man then made a very sad realization, his phone was missing. Between my keys, Sleepless’ hand sanitizer and Ice Cream Man’s phone, we’re lucky we still had our dignity. Or did we?