EAR – Take Deux

Being part of an elite group is easy for me. This is primarily because, with this specific group, I didn’t join it, I created it. This year, at our second Elite Alumni Reunion, a few extra people were invited. On My Terms and I, self-appointed chairs, agreed to the invitations even though neither of us had seen or spent much time with the alumni since high school.

Prior to the event, On My Terms suggested we do a group photo wearing denim overalls. Unfortunately, unlike me, not everyone had held onto their overalls since high school and the secondhand stores didn’t seem to have any in stock (hot commodity). Still wanting to do a group photo, we opted for the next best thing to denim overalls – moo moos. “I love moo moos! I’ll bring mine,” So Hip told me. In addition to bringing her own moo moo, she brought several fine costumes for us to wear throughout the evening. She is truly so hip.

By two or so in the morning we had posed for group photos in our moo moos, moved from the backyard to the stoop, karaoked, experienced several costume changes and decided to walk someone home. “Grab the toilet paper, just in case,” On My Terms advised me. I did so and a few houses down from my house, near the neighborhood park, we found a shopping cart. I immediately hopped in the cart and On My Terms started pushing. We hadn’t traveled more than four or five sidewalk slats when she said, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” The next thing I knew, the cart was on it’s side and I had been dumped. Luckily, I looked good because I was donning the outfit So Hip was wearing when she arrived (a dress several others had worn in the past several hours) and I was still holding my wine glass – which, surprisingly, still had drink in it. Oh, and I was fine – injury free. When a passerby in a car, who noticed our debauchery at the park, stopped mid-street,  we all started shouting, “We’re fine, we’re fine. Please disperse.” We quickly found out they couldn’t care less about our activity, they were lost and hoping we could point them in the right direction. Not tonight.

After taking our new friend home, So Hip decided to give toilet papering a go and threw a roll upward. The roll immediately came right back down – the trees were still toilet paper free, but the streets were not. “I’ve lost my touch,” she said. We all had. In addition, the ‘quick’ walk home had taken so long we had lost touch with the other elitists back at the house. By the time we arrived home, one was passed out in my bed and another was soon to be asked to leave. “Elite Alumni Reunion. Elite. Really?!?!” On My Terms said under her breath. She was right. Our Elite Alumni Reunion, like the shopping cart, was just about to take a turn for the worse.