If you search the internet for the best crying scenes in film, you won’t find anything about me. Not yet, anyway. In preparation for my big screen debut, I did a lot of research. I watched movies portraying women in similar roles (and decided I really liked Farrah Fawcett’s hair, circa 80s), checked the world wide web for tips on crying and memorizing lines, and reviewed multiple outfits.
After several hours of research, I decided I best practice my lines, in character. This meant I needed to finalize my wardrobe. Being that my character left work abruptly, but the employer wasn’t detailed in the script, I took artistic liberty and decided the employer would be Bluth’s Frozen Bananas and, since my character did not have a name (other than ‘mom’), my name would be Maeby. I quickly whipped up a name tag, complete with bananas, put it on my shirt, and tried to cry.
This wasn’t working out so well. I considered trying some tricks of the trade, such as onions, glycerin tears, thinking of other people’s tragedies, and throwing a cat on my face pre-scene, but knew they wouldn’t work for me. Alas, I decided to stay up all night in hopes of causing eye fatigue – a look that may or may not look sad.
As I stayed up, perusing the world wide web, I continued with my research – this time focusing on Academy Awards for similar roles. I have a feeling Peter O’Toole and I will soon have a lot in common – multiple (at least eight, anyway) Academy Award nominations (no wins) and a dry-eyed retirement announcement. As he said at the 75th Academy Awards, “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride, my foot!” So sad and full of passion – it makes me want to cry. I, Maeby, an Academy Award winner after all!