Lately, with the help of my friends, I’ve been making instructional youtube videos. The latest video featured Sleepless and I providing instructions on how to look like a polygamist wife. For some reason, this video will not upload – must be part of the Lord’s plan. Fortunately, the other very important instructional videos – related to champagne, cigars, cigarettes, barbeques and set lighting – uploaded without incident. Based on the number of views each have received (anywhere from six on up), I decided to come up with some other topics.
I did a quick google search and netted several ‘how to’ links. My favorite being ‘How to Touch a Girl.’ The intent of this link is to teach males when it is and isn’t appropriate to reach out and touch a girl. One of the terms they regularly use is ‘touch barrier’ and the link provides examples on how to break it, “Look for opportunities to break the touch barrier in a chivalrous way when you are together.” Interesting advice, but in my opinion, ‘touch factor’ and ‘chivalrous’ somewhat contradict. “Look for anything that may be on her face or hair…..Pull it off her face very gently…..Do the same thing if you see something in her hair like a piece of lint or a ball of dust.”
I love when my date pulls quarters out of my ears and balls of dust out of my hair. When these two things happen, I know we’re going places – I’m going home and he can go wherever the hell he wants as long as it isn’t with me. In order for one to avoid the latter, they need to remember, “even the most suave ‘touch moves’ won’t work if she’s bored or uninterested.” So true. Suave touch moves and barrier breakers are usually totally my thing. In fact, I’m updating my mismatch.com profile right now to reflect it. Should be a rather touching profile.