A while back I gave LaLaLovely one of my winning condoms for a trip she was taking to New York. She called to catch up and, as we did so, we discussed emergency preparedness. We both decided that if a disaster hit, we would head straight to Bruiser’s house because she has water, food storage and guns.
“Do you still have that condom I gave you?” I asked her. “Yes, there was no way I was using it that weekend,” she replied. “Well hold on to it because you might need it after the disaster. Last thing you want is to have end of the world sex and then find out it isn’t actually the end of the world but the unprotected sex you had might end your world as you know it,” I told her. “Good point. I better stock up,” she replied.
A few minutes later I received a call from a coworker. After chatting about work for a bit we discussed our personal lives and weekend plans. I told him I had been texting with a guy who I met during a fake disaster and a lot of the texts alluded to sex. “Don’t give in. Make him wait for it. At least three dates – even if you have go on all three dates in the same day,” he advised. “So maybe schedule breakfast, lunch and dinner dates with him this Sunday?” I asked. “Exactly. Damn! This whole parenting and marriage thing is not for the gays. I remember when I would spend my weekends half naked at raves,” he sadly shared and then asked, “What has become of me?” “You got food storage,” I replied.