Sleepless and I had the opportunity to work on a strategic plan together today – a task that was facilitated by Fru Fru Pants. These few factors alone would indicate trouble. Place us at a table with a retired cop, an actively employed officer and a state attorney and you’ve got way more than most people can handle.
In this case, ‘people’ would be anyone seriously trying to accomplish something. We were only a few hours into the training when the actively employed officer came up with a plan to escape, “I’ll fake a call from dispatch, tell ’em Purple Group (our assigned name/color) is on their way, and we’re gone. Where’s the fire pole around here?” His plan was good, really good. If we wanted to depart in style we definitely needed to slide down a fire pole.
Luckily, we broke for lunch and Purple Group decided to dine offsite together. Being that I had Dirk and ‘rockstar’ parking, I drove. We arrived without incident and, after lunch, returned to the training, also without incident; but not without near incidents. As I turned left I nearly had an ‘auto-ped,’ nearly. I didn’t see the guy. Could be because he was wearing camou, but I can’t be sure because I didn’t see him. “Don’t worry,” my passengers told me, “if something had happened we could take care of everything legally.” A few minutes later, on the same single lane road under very heavy construction, we came upon a man riding a bike. “Are the child locks on cause this guy needs to learn about riding a bike in construction.” It was about this time that we decided we should start a side business, “On the Run Legal.”
We returned to the planning meeting with new energy – lunch and entrepreneurial business will do that to you. While the state attorney recorded our ideas, the actively employed officer complimented him on his writing, “We should make a ‘state attorney’ font.’ I finished the flyer featuring the state attorney’s name and number and it was suggested we post it in the men’s room. “If it’s going in the men’s bathroom it needs color,” the actively employed officer stated and grabbed a marker. The state attorney was fine with this decision so long as it wasn’t posted near the first urinal, “It splashes up. I hate the first urinal. Whenever I’m in the stall next to it I have to watch out for deflecting pee on my Hugo Boss shoes.”
We then redirected our attention to the planning meeting and decided it would be a good idea to contribute. “Maybe we could change some names to more accurately reflect the definition,” I suggested. “Yes. Let’s call it a ‘yestary’ instead of a ‘notary,'” Sleepless suggested. “And a quick claim deed instead of quit claim deed,” I said and added, “While we’re at it, can we change it form ‘driver license’ to ‘driving license?'”
Actively employed officer, who had just finished explaining to the state attorney the importance of including our logo (purple smiley face) on our notes pages, looked at all of us with great pride and said, “I think we’re in a really good place, both as a group and individuals.” Purple Group. Peace (sign) out.