It’s been some time since Sleepless, Standard Time and I have hit the town. We decided to start the night off right with a trip to T.J.Maxx; because there is nothing crazier than three fashionistas and their coffee cups on a Saturday night.
While Standard Time was selecting a new brassiere, Sleepless and I were checking out the clearance items. Sleepless was immediately drawn to a pink item and, initially, neither of us could figure out what it was. A male customer watched us for a minute and then asked, “What’s really in your cups?” “Coffee,” I replied with irritation – the nerve of that guy. “Can you believe he called us out?” I asked Sleepless. “No, we’ve never been called out,” she said and took a sip of her one-shot, skinny, white zin. That was our first humdinger of the evening.
Famished from the shopping and accusatory customer comments, we decided to go to dinner. As we dined, we discussed life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Standard Time shared a once in a lifetime opportunity that was liberating and brought her much happiness – a sexual partner who hummed. “Hummed?” Sleepless and I both asked in unison. “Yes, and it was amazing,” Standard Time advised us. “Where did he learn to do this and does he teach classes?” Sleepless inquired. “What songs did he hum? Roger Whitaker? Wilson Phillips?” I asked. “I have no idea,” Standard Time said with a look on her face that indicated song selection did not matter – take that Simon Cowell. This guy is definitely a real humdinger.
We decided to close out the night at one of the city’s trashiest bars. Wanting to fit in, we saw a line-up of mixed drinks at the bar and said, “We’ll take three of those.” “What are those?” Sleepless asked. “Sex on a Beach,” I informed her. “Mmmm, can’t wait. I’ve never had that,” Sleepless replied. Halfway through our beach sex, two young Turkish men approached us. As they began talking with us they informed us they attend college in a town approximately 40 miles North of the bar. “Why do you come to this bar?” Sleepless asked. “We like (slightly inaudible) women,” one of them replied in a strong Turkish accent. I thought he said ‘old,” however, Sleepless was sure he said ‘all.’ To be sure, we asked. “Did you say ‘all women?'” “No, I said old women. O-L-D, like you.” Making this the third and last humdinger of the evening.