One Day Reprieve

If you know anything at all about St. Patrick’s Day, the most important thing to know is why people drink so much. The answer is simple: the Irish, and now millions of others, believe this day to be a one day reprieve. Due to the fact that National Corndog Day fell on the same day as St. Patrick’s Day this year, we experienced a major one day reprieve. In fact, we started early enough, it almost felt like two days.

 

That’s Not Chinese and Alice were the first to arrive and wasted no time popping open a bottle to get the party started. As any good host would do, I set out appetizers that would have made jailhouse Martha Stewart proud – Flaming Hot Cheetos and marshmallow bunnies in my finest styrofoam bowl and Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies on a very posh paper plate.  That’s Not Chinese wasn’t interested in the appetizers and was a bit disgusted when Alice decided to try one of the marshmallows. “Ew, you’re eating one!?!” she said to Alice. “It’s National Corndog Day. She is going to be putting a lot of things in her mouth that aren’t normally there,” I quipped. Alice then made a face, said, “I can’t swallow,” spit out the bunny and added, “That’s the first time I’ve ever said that.”

 

Ice Cream Man, Sleepless and Little Sleep soon arrived, placed Sleepless’ Franzia in the my milk box, and we convoyed to our favorite corndog establishment. As we pulled into the parking lot we were pleased to see corndogs were on sale and Beaner in the parking lot waiting to join us. The employees of the restaurant weren’t aware of this incredible holiday, however, once we advised one of them of it, he made an announcement over the PA system and the crowd (Ice Cream Man, Sleepless, Little Sleep, Alice, That’s Not Chinese and I) went wild.

 

Alice is not at all a fan of the corndog, “but I love National Corndog Day. I might have to have fish.” Fish and tots. She wouldn’t score as many points of the rest of us on the Corndog Score Sheet, but could try and catch up with tots and drinks. As we were waiting for our first batch, Sleepless witnessed a drug deal taking place just outside the restaurant, “Did you see that drug deal?” I had seen it, and would normally ‘take action,’ but was pretty busy with my corndog celebrations, “No, I’m on vacation.” Those drug dealers just got a one day reprieve.

 

As we waited for our corndogs, tots and apple juice, Alice passed out our Pabst Blue Ribbon coasters and Black Jesus surprised us with his presence – everybody loves National Corndog Day. Once our food arrived we started comparing our dogs – I’ve never been in a men’s locker room, but I have a feeling is a little like comparing corndogs. Some of our dogs had been deepfried for some time and were dark in color, a few others appeared to be a bit dysfunctional, and one was quite greasy. Truth be told, these corndogs were a lot like our friends – diverse, dysfunctional and, every now and again, kind of greasy.

 

As we were enjoying our tots and dogs, I noticed Ice Cream Man sliding his dog in and out of a napkin. “What are you doing over there Ice Cream Man?” I asked him. “Getting my grease off,” he replied. I pulled my second corndog out of it’s bag and found it was pretty greasy, so I grabbed a napkin and followed Ice Cream Man’s lead. “Is this how you get your grease off?” I asked him. “Yes, however, I think I need a little more Jergens,” he quipped.

 

We returned to my house to finish the day as we started it – sitting around the table drinking and perusing the Carol Wright Gifts catalog. Between the waterproof pants (to stop embarrassing leaks), Two Hats in One, and all of the amazing products on pages 44-45, the catalog was a coveted item. Black Jesus took a little longer to return from the corndog consumption and we had just finished a bottle as he pulled up. So, again, being a proper host, I pulled out a small box of wine. “Ew,” That’s Not Chinese said. “Hey, don’t hate,” I advised her while pouring some in her plastic wine glass, “That is the most expensive box in this size.” “I don’t want any of your box, I just want the Carol Wright catalog,” Ice Cream Man told us.

 

That’s Not Chinese was not quite ready to give up the catalog – she had ‘dogeared’ a couple of pages and advised us, “I have a secret sex life so don’t drop in. Oh, and, I’m not a morning person.” Based on the amount of deepfried food and (boxed) beverages we consumed during our one day reprieve, I doubt any of us will be morning people anytime soon.