The other morning my work phone woke me. I did as Opreggano loves and answered it in my most professional voice. I received this response, “We want to come and see my brother before you cremate him.” There were several responses I wanted to provide, such as “Too late,” and “I stopped doing cremations years ago.”
Instead of going with my very hungry gut, I did my best to get the person to someone who could provide coffin closure, then had a cup of coffee and some leftover macaroni and cheese. As I looked at the noodles and coffee pot, I started thinking about urns and cremation. My parents believe those who do not accept/believe in Christ may burn during the second coming. I’ve told them my preference for cremation works perfectly with their believes because, whether I die before or during the second coming, I’m burning.
According to science and my current weight, I’ll be burning for two-three hours. If you’re thinking about a cremation double date, think again. Cremating more than one body at a time is illegal and a normal sized chamber can’t handle more than one adult at a time – little people may be able to get an exception.
Once my body is reduced to bone fragments, it will be placed in an urn or a temporary plastic container. I don’t know why the plastic container has to be temporary. I’ve got a couple of really nice containers from The Container Store that would work great – they stack securely to conserve space and are freezer and top rack dishwasher safe (unlike Silverman).
For me, cremation just makes sense. It allows me to die the way I lived, surrounded by heat and flames.