Sněhurka

I love to learn. For the most part, I prefer and continue to learn via play – which is believed to be the first (and, in my opinion, most entertaining) form of learning. I also, however, have learned a lot informally, experientially and tangentially. I guess one might say I am an informal, tangential, experienced player.

On Christmas Eve I learned (or was reminded), from experience, that dressing appropriately (not to be confused with ‘dressing up’) for events is extremely important. That said, however, I was dressed appropriately for iHOP. Nonetheless, I made sure I was dressed appropriately for a celebration of Christmas and Black Jesus’ birth – if you are not aware of who Black Jesus is, he is none other than Dr. BJ.

A month or two ago I was at a secondhand store and stumbled upon a gift that I know will keep giving for years to come – a handmade, off-the-shoulder, Civil War Southern Belle style, Christmas plaid taffeta dress. I thought for sure it would cost as much as, if not more than, the secondhand Christmas sweaters ($10 each) I was buying and was shocked to see it was only $3. For this price, I didn’t even bother trying it on. If I couldn’t wear it, I would find someone who could or sell it on ebay. I learned, tangentially, that dresses like this are selling on ebay for anywhere from $68 to $149.

As one might be able to guess, all of the guests (MiniMe, That’s Not Chinese, Skiwi, DDDG and Dr. BJ) were quite taken by the dress. “I swear I have napkins made of that material,” That’s Not Chinese told me. “I have a table runner,” Dr. BJ advised her. “I made MiniMe a dress exactly like this years ago,” I advised. “Yes, she did,” MiniMe concurred. “You look like,” DDDG started to say and then asked Skiwi, “Who is the lady with all of those little boys?” “Snow White?” Skiwi replied. “Yes, Sněhurka,” DDDG said.

“Sněhurka? Hmmm. By the way, are you familiar with tutka?” I asked her. “No, no idea,” she replied. I then told them the story of the tutka and my experience on Christmas Eve. I shared with them the fact that the homeowners (just because you spend Christmas Eve with someone, in the comforts of their home, does not mean you should know them or their names) adopted a child from China and, when she first arrived in America, she had abdominal distention due to malnourishment (something I learned about on cable). “Like my stomach,” That’s Not Chinese said while rubbing her belly. “That’s not Chinese or malnourishment,” I replied.

Somehow, the conversation turned to a book that Skiwi recently checked out from the library, “‘How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale,’ by Jenna Jameson. I read it in two days. 500 pages.” “It’s true. He skims a little bit,” DDDG advised. “There were pictures in the page count,” he advised. “Who is Jenna Jameson?” Dr. BJ asked. As Skiwi and I were trying to enlighten Dr. BJ, That’s Not Chinese opened her television stand, pulled out a DVD, and handed it to Dr. BJ. “That’s Jenna,” she said. Sure enough, that was Jenna. Dr. BJ quickly learned, tanJennatially, about the queen of  porn.

Once we finished our dinner, dessert and wine, we all headed home and, like Sněhurka after she bit into the apple poisoned by the queen (of fairy tales – not porn), fell into a deep stupor.