I have a neighbor who regularly performs his outdoor activities with little to no clothing on. I’m not sure if he does this knowing people can see him or if he thinks that, since he can’t see us, we can’t see him. A similar occurrence happened with a former neighbor, who we affectionately called (unbeknownst to him) Big Dick Dan. Each morning, he would step outside to grab the paper. Each morning he would do a perimeter check while covering his bit. When he thought the coast was clear, he used his hands to open the door and pick up the paper – leaving his not so wee bit uncovered.
These sights have all been seen from the comforts of my home and, on occasion, my stoop. Many times, I am alone when this happens which forces me to, like Gladys Kravitz on Bewitched, shout out “Abner!” to whoever will listen. Typically, it is to Opreggano via text. Assuming, of course, that she isn’t already sitting next to me.
I decided to take the day off work today and planned a meeting at my house with The Leaver. As we were sitting at the dining room table I saw some movement in my front yard and peered out the window to see Sleepless attempting to sneak up to drop off banana bread. “Abner! It’s Sleepless!” I told The Leaver. “I wanted to surprise you with this. You’re not supposed to be here,” Sleepless told me. That’s true, but I also wasn’t supposed to see my neighbors naked.