As I’ve mentioned before – and please understand, I’m not trying to brag – I’m really good at making handwritten signs. This is a special skill set that I have had for many years. Like many of my special skills, however, it lies dormant – sometimes for months at a time. A year or two ago I had the opportunity to use this special skill at a work event. As a result, I ended up with a new title, ‘Sign Girl.’ Due to the recession, and the fact that I was the only one with the handwritten sign skills, I had to make my own name tent detailing my title. Times are tough.
While enjoying the spontaneous company of That’s Not Chinese, The Leaver shared with us her special skill set, “I’m really good with puzzles. I can do a whole puzzle in one day.” “That’s great. You’ll be a big hit at the senior centers,” I replied. Part two of my special skill set, and something I’ve mentioned before, I’m an asshole.
That’s Not Chinese nearly spit out her wine as she laughed about this. The Leaver didn’t see the humor, so she stepped out to have a smoke. It was at this time that That’s Not Chinese revealed one of her special skills, flatulence so strong it could be measured by the Richter scale. Luckily, part three of my special skill set, inability to smell ass, kicked in. I can’t wink (skill set deficiency), so I nodded my head, tilted my glass toward That’s Not Chinese and did a closed mouth smile. I may not be able to smell things, but like Deputy Raineesha Williams of Reno 911!, I never want to be around flatulence with an open mouth. Special skill set four: wisdom obtained from Comedy Central.