Just to clear up any questions you may have about whether or not I was formerly in Vogue magazine, the answer is no. Vogue has many definitions. Briefly summarized, it is the prevailing fashion, style or craze. When describing one’s self or practices, it sounds far more refined to say, “I was formerly in vogue,” than to say, “I’m old fashioned.” This is thanks, in part, to Urban Dictionary, where an “Old Fashioned” refers to a hand job (and a few other sexual activities) and totally takes away Old Fashioned’s beauty as a classic beverage and term of endearment.
Personally, although I am pretty ‘modern,’ especially when hanging around The Leaver in her “modern gay plaid” shirt, I am rather old-fashioned, aka, formerly in vogue, when it comes to many things. Take babysitting for example. Whenever I watch Baby Q, I always make sure we have at least one outing; read several books; listen to music; and spend a lot of time playing. This last babysitting gig, after burning her microwave macaroni and cheese (this doesn’t happen when I use the stove top), I attempted to impress her with my VCR. As any toddler would be, she was immediately impressed with the tape door. In an attempt to distract her attention, I handed her the case to “The Golden Age of Looney Tunes, Volume 1: 1930s Musicals,” and hit ‘play’ so she could enjoy it.
This VHS is a compilation of black and white – emphasis on the white, animated cartoons. I hadn’t watched the video for years and had forgotten about the racism – I’m definitely not that kind of old fashioned. We decided to turn our attention to outdoor activities – specifically, looking at the homes decorated with Christmas lights. After completely exhausting and slightly freezing Baby Q, we ended the night with a few books. The next morning (which, fortunately, began 11 hours later), we played again and, once she started being ornery, I put her down for a nap and she cried herself to sleep.
As she did so, I realized this old-fashioned method of falling asleep is pretty effective – I plan to try crying myself to sleep tonight. While she slept, I donned my vintage hostage apron and reviewed Betty Crocker’s Cooking Calendar: A Year-Round Guide to Meal Planning with Recipes and Menus, (printed in 1962). Not only does this book provide healthy and fresh (not microwaved) meal suggestions, it also details “famous dates of years gone by and homey mottoes.” Mottoes such as, “To have friends, be one,” (Elbert Hubbard) and “A fireside is a great opiate,” (Leigh Hunt). These old-fashioned mottoes seem far more friendly than the modern-day Homey mottoes such as, “Homey don’t play dat,” and “Silent night…..All was bright… Bright like that damn light that cop shone in my face. He knew I didn’t do it. HE KNEW I DIDN’T DO IT. I said BACK ME UP.”
Inspired by Betty, Leigh and Elbert, I turned on my crackling fire (DVD); put Bing Crosby – Merry Christmas in the CD player (no, I don’t have an iPod yet); thought about friends – old and new; and was reminded that, like an Old-Fashioned, life is bitter, sweet, and, every now and again, a little bit twisted.