Front room is a different time zone

Daylight Saving Time ended a few weeks ago for most people; the exception being Arizonians and me. My decision to not change my clocks has been most advantageous for my work-related activities, in that I tend to be early for most of them. I also leave early, but like Benjamin Franklin said, “Early to bed, early to rise….” I rise out of the meetings and head home much earlier than others.

Although this theory works for me, it does not work for everyone and was definitely throwing Alice off because, while visiting with That’s Not Chinese, Tree and I,  she kept looking at the clock and thinking it was later than it actually was. I continually had to remind her, “the front room is a different time zone.” Luckily, this kept her from rising and leaving too soon. Instead, she stayed and enhanced the conversations.

That’s Not Chinese recently visited Peru. The purpose of the journey was to be both educational and spiritual. In order to achieve ‘maximum spirituality,’ participants of the journey were advised to abstain from sexual activity. Apparently, that was a memo That’s Not Chinese missed. She had shared her experience with Tree and I, however, Alice had not yet heard the story. As Alice was asking That’s Not Chinese about her trip, Tree and I (still on a high from the whore game, no doubt) were giggling and making comments “She whore did have a good time.” “You guys, what are you talking about? Let’s not talk in circles,” Alice told us, then asked That’s Not Chinese, “(Did) you get your eyeballs fucked out?” A large smile quickly appeared on That’s Not Chinese’s face. “Humping the Holy Man,” Tree quipped. “Shagging the Shaman,” I said and added, “Please don’t squeeze the Shaman.”

That’s Not Chinese blushed a bit and then shared the details of her sexual encounter with Alice. The main detail being that her love connection was with their tour guide/Shaman who happens to be one of the top archeologists at one of the famous sites in Peru. “You boned the main archeologist? Don’t they dig up bones?” Alice asked. “He threw her a bone,” Tree said. “Several times,” That’s Not Chinese advised.

Somehow, this discussion led to one about mean girls. “I was never a mean girl until now,” Alice told us. That would explain her earlier comment about a coworker, “If she didn’t look like herself, she’d be very pretty.” Alice went on to share her high school experience with us, “I was the popular girl. I mean, I was so popular. I wreaked popularity. I was the homecoming queen.” “I was on the drill team,” That’s Not Chinese interjected. “You were? What happened to do your dance moves?” Tree asked.

That’s Not Chinese shot Tree a look and said, “I thought you were going to make a comment about my weight.” “I wouldn’t worry too much about your weight,” I told her. “Pretty soon we’ll be old, you’ll weigh 90 pounds, and everything will be on your belly, including your boobs.” “My boobs are firm and I don’t even have a bra on,” Alice told us, then looked at Tree and said, “If you want, you can fill them.” “No thanks,” he kindly replied then looked at the clock. Even with the front room being in a different time zone, it was still late. Thus, Alice, the popular turned mean girl with firm boobs, decided to call it a night.