‘Do as you do best’ is a saying many people live by. Some people actually choose to do this, others have it chosen for them. The latter is often the case for Sleepless and I, especially at conferences. Due to our excellent ability to sit at a table for hours at a time and provide trivial information, we are regularly assigned ‘Information Desk’ duties. Today, while working the information desk, we gathered a bit of information about one of the other committee members, Nick-e.
Like Sleepless and I, Nick-e also does what she does best – nicks things. She, however, doesn’t see it as such. “I’m not stealing, I paid for these things, so, I’m just taking what is mine,” she told us. Technically, this is true. As is often the case with conferences at hotels, food and beverages are billed at high, individual prices, regardless of whether or not they are consumed (fyi, that was ‘information’ I just provided you – doing my best). Thus, Nick-e was determined to get her money’s worth….just as soon as the hotel staff left the area. “When are they going to leave?” she asked the information desk. “I’ve got work to do.”
We were glad her question was rhetorical because the hotel staff assignments/hours were not included in our pile of information. “Are you surprised by my criminal thinking?” Nick-e asked. “Not to be rude and offensive, but, no,” I replied. One bit of information Sleepless and I learned right away was that the committee was using this phrase as a disclaimer for rude and offensive comments. “For the record,” Sleepless interjected. “We usually prefer to say, ‘I’d like to preface this with I’m an asshole.'” Sleepless was right and I would have shared that preface with Nick-e, but I didn’t want her to steal it.
Nick-e, however, wasn’t listening, rather, she was assessing her next nick. “I don’t know if you saw me earlier,” she boasted to Sleepless and I while conducting a perimeter check, “but I did it right in front of them.” The ‘it’ she was referring to was the act of nicking pastries, cream cheese, fruit, butter, jam and drinks. The ‘them’ being the hotel staff.
Luckily, there was a window of time when the hotel banquet staff left the area and Nick-e was able to gather enough food and drinks for a small polygamous family. “I need something to put this in,” she shouted out as the hotel staff started walking back toward the area. “Psssst,” I advised her and added, “I hate to be rude and offensive, but you might want to wait a minute.” Nick-e picked up what I was laying down (if she could have picked it up and run, I’ve no doubt she would have), then looked at the “INFORMATION” sign on our table and said, “Too much information is not valuable to me.”
Unbelievable. In addition to nicking the food and beverage, she just stole our thunder.