S-Unit and I were chatting about work and the fact that many employers only want robots as employees. We’ve all worked for someone like this at some point – the boss who is only interested in V.I.C.I. (pronounced ‘Vicki’), the 10-year-old android in the 1980s show, Small Wonder. V.I.C.I. lacks emotion, follows commands quite literally, and is regularly stowed away in a cabinet.
Although I don’t share much in common with V.I.C.I., with the exception of the RS-232 serial port under my left armpit, it seems as though some people in the office wish she and I were a bit more alike.
As S-Unit and I were discussing this, she had an idea. “You should be robotic in everything you do. If they want a robot, you’ll be a robot. When you greet people say, ‘Hello, I am a robot,'” she stated in a robotic tone and continued on, in this tone. “I just made a copy. Soon I will turn on my computer.” I interjected, also in robotic tone, “After that I will have a cup of coffee. Then I will say, ‘No comment.’ Then I will update my facebook status to read, ‘No comment.'” “Then I will look out my window. Then I will refill my coffee,” she added. “Then I will make origami with my post-it notes.” “Then I will take a funny picture and post it on facebook.” “Then I will notice it is almost five and I haven’t done any work.” “Then I will type up this summary of my day and send it to the boss.” “Then I will pack my robot bags, do the robot, and call it a day.”
Unfortunately, as cute as V.I.C.I. may be, like so many other female robots, it is preferred she is only seen and not heard – best to keep her in the cabinet. Thus, even in this day and age, the only squeaky robot who continues to get the grease is Marvin the Paranoid Android. People have long forgotten about V.I.C.I., but Marvin lives on. He may not be pretty and his brain may be small, but even bands like Radiohead give him proper street cred.
Dōmo arigatō, Mr. Roboto.