Duck, duck, goose….pheasant.

Last year, MyFace and I took an impromptu road trip to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. It was at this time, that we decided to make it an annual activity. So, with no reservations other than a hotel room, we loaded up my car, and picked up That’s Not Chinese, Sleepless and Lola.

Being that the National Weather Service had issued blizzard warnings and the like, MyFace felt my car (a ‘sport utility vehicle’) would be the best to take. As we were one hundred miles or more into the journey she said, “I’m so glad we are in a four-wheel-drive vehicle.” “Oh, this isn’t four-wheel-drive,” I told her. “Front wheel with ECT.” “What?!?!” she asked with great surprise. “Really? Oh great. What is ECT?” “We should be fine, maybe,” I replied. “And I have no idea what ECT is – maybe extra control traction – all I know is I push the button sometimes and it makes me feel better about the road conditions.”

As we continued on our way we turned the road trip into a safari of sorts. Pointing out the wildlife as though we were trained biologists. “Oh look,” said Sleepless as we were driving by the river, “There’s a duck, no a goose. No. What is that?” “It’s a pheasant,” MyFace advised. A few miles later we were near a rest area and saw a large furry animal run across the road. “Look, look,” I said while pointing at the animal. “It’s a fox.” “Are you sure?” asked Sleepless. “No, I’m not sure. I think it is actually a wolf.” “It is a dog,” advised That’s Not Chinese. Should we need extra cash to offset the cost of our travels, we fully plan to be wildlife guides.

As we got closer to our destination we began discussing the plans for the evening. They were simple: check into the hotel, grab a drink and appetizer, shop, go to dinner, and go to the Million Dollar Cowboy Bar. MyFace was sharing the bar stories from last year when Lola piped up. “We shouldn’t have any problem attracting men. I’ve got radar for the ’emotionally available’.” “I’ve got unemployed covered,” said Sleepless. “If they smoke dope they’re drawn to me,” added That’s Not Chinese. “Infidelity is my specialty,” I said and then clarified, “I mean, I can find the unfaithful, no problem!” “Wow,” said MyFace, “I’m not sure what to say, except, I’m married.”

Once we arrived at the restaurant Lola spotted a table of men who were of interest to her. “I’m going to sit over here so I can see them,” she said while positioning her chair in their direction. “Those men are gay,” said That’s Not Chinese. “No way, they are not gay,” said Lola with great defiance. “They are metro.” “Not metro, gay,” That’s Not Chinese affirmed. “Maybe they’re foreign or mormon,” I added. “Gay, foreign or mormon. Or gaformon – a gay, foreign mormon. Like duck, duck, goose, pheasant, but gay, gay, foreign, mormon.”

I was given the assignment to invite them to join us at the bar and, while doing so, assess their sexual preference. I walked over, made the invitation and started chatting with them. Within minutes I was enjoying a lovely beverage, courtesy of them, discussing the benefits of the library, and still unsure of their sexual orientation. The only clarification I had was that they were not foreign (unless you count Canadian as foreign). Lola had quickly joined me while the others remained at our table. The guys were trying to get the other girls to join us for a digestif, but they were deep in conversation. “Why aren’t your friends coming over here?” they asked me. MyFace and That’s Not Chinese were doing a lot of communicating with their hands and I was unable to get their attention, so I responded, “They’re deaf.” In order to prove my point I, on the sly, flipped off That’s Not Chinese. She immediately and boldly returned the gesture, however, it appeared as though she was just flipping off the gaformons. “See,” I told them.

And with that we were off to the bar for more games of duck, duck, goose, pheasant, gay, gay, foreign, mormon.