Dr. BJ treated That’s Not Chinese and I to an evening of self-inquiry with a famous author and speaker. I love to learn and I love to spend time with these two birds, so I was excited. As That’s Not Chinese and I were driving to the hotel to meet Dr. BJ, Disdain, and others, I was sharing my thoughts about motivational speaking and the like with her aunt, Spider Bite, “I’m not really into spirituality and forgiveness,” “No. No, she is not,” That’s Not Chinese concurred.
That’s Not Chinese, Spider Bite and I arrived at the workshop in time to complete our worksheets. The speaker was inviting people to share what they had written and, then, ‘do the work’. This is usually something one would do own their own, but it’s not very often you get to do therapy with a group of 200 and, if you’re histrionic, this is like heaven. The first five or six were good, even interesting. We learned who upset them, what they want to have happen, and what they thought of the person who upset them. After sharing these intimate details they had to get even more intimate, and ‘do the work’, by answering a very simple question about each of these things: ‘Is it true?’ Only ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers were accepted. The idea was to learn to accept and own your role in your thoughts.
Near the 7th or 8th moment of truth, it ‘started’ to get a bit off and I was longing for a cameo appearance by Matt Foley. An artist stood up and expressed her anger with a local dance company for covering her artwork with a storage cart. “My picture was hanging on the wall and they rolled a storage cart right in front of it.” This ‘rolling’ behavior was very upsetting to her and she was having a hard time finding a ‘positive’. We were having a hard time deciding which SNL character she looked and acted like. “Molly Shannon for sure,” said Dr. BJ. I was leaning more towards Julia Sweeney.
“A lot of these people are total wingnuts,” That’s Not Chinese whispered to Spider Bite and I. “Hey, this is cheaper than a copay for them, so they’re taking advantage of it,” I advised. Toward the end. a man stood up and began to share the fact that he didn’t like when his wife was mean to him. Lucky for his wife, and all of us, she happened to be with him at the workshop. The speaker called them both on stage and asked him to tell her the ‘whats,’ – pretty much give her the ‘what for’. A true Jerry Springer moment.
As they made their way to the stage we all came to the conclusion that this may not end well. “Look at her,” said Spider Bite, “She is not happy about this at all. She is like a shapeshifter – soon to turn into a spider and bite him.”
As we were laughing about this exchange and some of the people in the room – yes, we’re assholes – two women, seated two rows ahead of us, turned to look at us with disgust and one said, “You should probably go,” while making a hand gesture as if she was waving us away. “Those two ladies don’t know that Dr. BJ rolled a storage cart in front of the exit and we can’t leave.” It was true. Dr. BJ bought us the tickets and we could not leave until at least two other fat, crazy, and just released from the penitentiary, ladies finished singing. “They (the women with the hand gestures) need to do the work, see what it is they don’t like about their thoughts, and keep us out of it,” I added.
A few minutes later, Dr. BJ ‘rolled the cart away from the exit’ and we ran out of it. Free to be in our own minds and out of the minds of those who were out of their minds.