AchyBreakyOke

Working nine to five after twelve is exhausting. Which is why I enjoy unwinding with my friends. Sleepless and I decided we should do a post VD karaoke event, focused on heartache and pain, so we planned AchyBreakyOke.

Prior to the big event Sleepless and I prepped at my house. This is one of the most crucial parts of the evening because it defines our ‘look’ for the remainder of the night. I was wearing a long-sleeved plaid shirt that I had purchased from the thrift store and we decided it would be best if it were sleeveless and if Sleepless wore the sleeves. Within minutes we were trendsetters. As I was standing in the kitchen in my sleeveless plaid shirt and underwear, getting ready to don my denim overalls, a solicitor approached the front door and got full view. “Oh shit,” I told Sleepless. “I’ve got to remember to not change in the kitchen. Do you mind getting that?”

As soon as we arrived at the bar we were welcomed by I Was A Stripper and New To This. We made our way across the empty dance floor (and bar) to ‘our table.’ A few minutes later we were graced with the presence of LeftEared who was donning a lovely ruffled plaid shirt, tucked into white, high-waist (aka, ‘mom pants) Carhartt painting pants, accessorized with a thin belt, gold chain and ‘achy breaky’ heart pendant.

Sleepless and I were on stage singing Jolene (for the record, we’ve been singing this long before the Grammy peeps) when MyFace, Tile and The Leaver joined in the festivities. As was the case with I Was A Stripper, they all needed ‘at least one drink’ before hitting the mic. Several one drinks later, LeftEared and I were on stage singing and throwing down some dance moves when I Was A Stripper approached the stage. By approached I mean she crawled up on all fours, sashaying in a way only she could, while still on all fours. A few seconds later we were all three on the floor of the stage and LeftEared experienced a first, “Did you see that?” she asked me. “Oh yes, I saw it – everyone saw it.” LeftEared, in shock, continued, “She totally tuned in Tokyo on my tit. That hasn’t happened since I was 21.”

I was discussing our performance with MyFace and telling her it was hard to be sexy when dancing next to I Was A Stripper. “I noticed,” she said and added, “Especially in those outfits. Sexy ain’t happenin’.”

By this time One And Done had shown up with a boy she met on Match. “Date number two tonight,” she told us. “And you brought him to this?” LeftEared asked. “Bold move, I like it.”

One And Done, like I Was A Stripper, also has previous dancing experience – she was a clogger for years. *NSYNC started playing and LeftEared advised us, she too was a dancer, “I followed this band for years – I know all of the moves.” As she was busting a few moves and we were all following along, her zipper was busting down. “They don’t make cotton like they used to,” she told us. “Seems like it just keeps getting tighter and tighter.” I Was A Stripper decided to help by completely unzipping LeftEared’s pants, laughed for a minute, and then zipped them back up. “Pretty sure she may have caught some of my short and curlies,” said LeftEared.

As Sleepless was debating her signature chair dance, I Was A Stripper stole the stage and the chair with a few moves she learned in the Army. We all watched in awe, some even placed dollar bills in her pants and top. As she was walking off the stage she came up to me, giggled, and said, “I have gas. I have been farting all night.”

And that is one of the many reasons we love I Was A Stripper, she brings sexy back, gas and all.