Upon arriving home last night I encountered an odor that was not pleasant. Being familiar with the art of intelligence gathering, I immediately got to work getting to the root of the stench. My gut told me it might be a dead mouse. When I say ‘my gut,’ I really mean Alice. The other day she surprised me with some rather disturbing news. “Your backyard is a shithole. Have you seen what your neighbor has been doing back there? The rodents are loving it.” Apparently my neighbor has decided to make compost in my backyard and, like the rest of the things he has done back there, he doesn’t appear to know what he is doing. As a result, ‘compost’ – all of their trash food – is just sitting atop my dirt, unturned, day after day.
After much assessing, I figured out my own trash was the odor culprit. This was not a solution that came to me right away, primarily because I very rarely put anything in my garbage can and that which I do put in there is non-perishable, dead flowers excluded. Oh, and sourdough bread. According to scientists, due to it’s acidic nature, sourdough bread takes quite a bit of time to grow mold. Coupled with dead flowers in a stainless steel incubator, however, mold on sourdough appears to grow and stink in no time at all.
S-Unit loves trash. And by ‘trash’ I mean reality TV. When I told her about my trashy situation she replied, “Oh my God! The Real Housewives of Atlanta is on. Do you ever watch it?” “No. I don’t really watch TV,” I provided my standard reply. “But I have friends who watch it.” “I love this stuff,” she continued. “Bravo is my favorite channel and these Real Housewives’shows are absolutely trashtastic!”