My shit’s sideways

I can’t deny it. My shit is sideways. Anyone who tries to claim their shit is straight or, as Dr. BJ calls it, ‘gayly forward,’ is full of it. And by ‘it’ I mean shit.

My crooked ass woke up this morning on the couch, with less than an hour to get ready for paparazzi with The Leaver and QuQueen. QuQueen is a stylist and had a nooner scheduled with Susan Sarandon. Yes, SS, from Moonlight Mile. QuQueen is a master of cosmetology and The Leaver and I are the masters of the hang out.

The Leaver and I walked the main street of Sundance central and then planted our asses at New York Lounge, sponsored by Greenberg Traurig. Feel free to Google it all you want, it most likely won’t be found. You will, however, find Queer Lounge, which is also very lovely.

The Leaver and I spent several hours on the casting couch of this fine establishment. Sipping coffee, eating popcorn and bagels, and, when the time was right, enjoying some really important cider out of upstate New York.

During this time, we came up with a documentary concept that is sure to blow the minds of anyone who ever thought of combining artifacts and stainless steel.

Later in the day, Alice stopped by for wine. I offered to make warm goat cheese spinach salad, but she had previously enjoyed lentil soup and read the entry about That’s Not Chinese farting, so she wasn’t interested in any solid consumption.

She drank Solà Fred and I had Menage a trois, while listening to Bored to Death, Season Two. At which time, we both agreed we would date and, if needed, marry Jason Schwartzman.

Alice is my bestest neighbor. It has been a long time since she and I have hung out, so tonight was very special. We shared stories, ate pistachios, enjoyed a few leftover Christmas Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups; it was lovely.

Just prior to her departing she told me, “I cannot drink anymore after this. I think a bottle of wine is just what the doctor ordered.” She was right. Today was just what the doctor ordered.  Sideways or gayly forward, my friends are truly the shit.