Bummer

Had the privilege of babysitting Q’s little one. OregganO, a bit baby hungry, was there to assist me. Prior to leaving, Q was advising us on how to warm up her breast milk (which was in little baggies and reminded us of saline implants – but we didn’t put them in our bras, no need), and told us her father-in-law was preparing a bottle and smelled her milk. We all agreed that was a little weird. “My milk doesn’t smell,” Q informed us. A little while later, WeeQ told a conflicting story when she tooted – Q’s milk does smell.

Contrary to the belief of many, the babysitting gig went well and I did not trade WeeQ for a bike (I’ll Call You Later told Q that I might do so). I would never do that – especially not for a one seater, maybe for a tandem.

I would, however, trade my new French boyfriend for a bike. You all may remember Carl, well, we finally parted ways. Just as I was getting ready to celebrate my new found freedom, there was a tap, tap, tapping on my back door. Turns out it is Rhoid (I’ve decided the ‘d’ is silent – makes him sound French and not so bad). Rhoid, like Carl, gets around. A while ago, he spent some time with Tree. I remember Tree telling me, “If I don’t get to the store soon I’m going to start dragging my ass across the floor like a dog.” I now feel Tree’s pain and it is a total bummer.

Not wanting to feel this way, I went to the store to get Rhoid his ‘poison.’ While there, I received a call from OregganO. She asked what I was doing, so I told her, “Buying suppositories for Rhoid.” “What and who?” she asked. I shared the news about my new found man, complained about how he is always ‘riding my ass,’ and then wished her a fabulous evening.

After searching every aisle, I finally broke down and decided to ask an employee where I might find suppositories. As I was leaving the store, I sent OregganO a text, “Rhoid and Carl are expensive first dates.” Several texts later she advised, “Maybe you should marry him (Rhoid).” Very grade school of Mrs. OregganO Nutter Butters. I replied, “Nah, he is a total pain in the ass.”