Rated R was supposed to be induced on the morning of January 16th. Unfortunately, she was in direct competition with a bunch of other women who had sex in April and, because they were delivering naturally, Rated R’s baby bump got bumped.
As a result, she delivered her wee one on the 17th and we were all ready and waiting with anticipation to meet the little guy. By ‘ready,’ I mean we had been vaccinated. A few months ago Rated R informed us that the hospital had informed her, “Nobody will be allowed entry if they haven’t had their flu and whooping cough shots.” Not only did we need the shots, they told her we would also need to bring proof. “Are you delivering in Arizona? This sounds a lot like the ‘show me your papers’ stories I heard on the news a while back,” I said. “You want to see him, you’ve gotta bring ’em,” she replied. Cream of Tartar was right, Rated R has a little hint of ‘law enforcement’ in her blood.
Sleepless and I arrived ready to show our papers and Live Longer, who works for the University, brought her badge, “This will get me anywhere.” I plan to take her to Sundance with it and see if that is true. Sadly, nobody cared if we had our shots or our papers to prove it. “I can’t believe it. I really didn’t want to get those shots,” Sleepless told us. “When you have a baby you should tell her she can’t come to the hospital until she has had a colonoscopy,” Live Longer suggested.
Once in the room with Rated R, Cream of Tartar and their kids, the thoughts about our shots were gone and the focus turned to Cream of Tartar’s need for shots of an alcoholic variety. “I’ve got you covered,” Sleepless said, reached into her purse and pulled out a plastic bag with two trial size mouthwash bottles. “Mouthwash,” she said and winked. “Was this Ice Cream Man’s idea?” Cream of Tartar asked. “No, mine. He prefers breastmilk bags,” Sleepless replied.
With that, and after Rated R had put her actual ‘breastmilk bags ‘ away, we all took a shot with the wee one – this time of a photographic nature. We had to, with a newborn in the house, shots are required.