Cheers to Queers!

Days before same-sex marriage was legalized in our state, my former roommates headed to Hawaii for the sole purpose of getting married.

Upon returning home their financial advisor did as financial advisors should do and gave them some sound advice, “You should get married here too so the marriage is legal.” It is strange that states  exercise reciprocity for heterosexual marriages. I kind of wish they didn’t. Not doing so would save people thousands of dollars because if they were no longer interested in being married they could just move to another state. Interested in taunting your spouse? Put one foot in one state and the other in a bordering state then jump back and forth saying, “Married, divorced, married, divorced. My house, your house, my house, your house,” and so on.

These guys really want to be married and would probably be willing to get married in every state allowable just to prove it. So sweet. As we signed the marriage license, which was designed for heterosexual couples, one of my male friends had to put his name after ‘Mrs.’ “I guess I’ll be the bitch this time,” he said then pointed to his better half and added, “He was the bitch in Hawaii.” “It’s nice to have something I’ve known for years confirmed in two states – you’re both bitches,” I quipped.

To celebrate the marriage they popped a bottle of champagne and poured a glass for everyone. One of the neighbor girls, probably in her late teens, wasn’t interested in drinking so they began teasing her in an attempt to get her to drink it. “Don’t listen to them. You’ve heard of peer pressure, right? Well this is queer pressure. Same, same, but different. Don’t fall for it. Here, give me your champagne, I’ll take care of it,” I said, took her glass, and made another toast to my bitches, “Cheers to Queers!”